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How to Get Your Boyfriend to Open Up & Talk

by C. Giles, studioD

We've all been there. Your boyfriend is clearly upset about something, but won't say what's bugging him no matter how many times you ask him. This can be really frustrating and doesn't make either person feel any better. The key to getting your man to open up and let you know how he's feeling is to try to understand exactly why he's being so tight-lipped. It could be one of several reasons, and figuring it out is the first step toward improving communication.

Let your boyfriend know you're not going to fly off the handle when you hear what's on his mind. A guy may keep things to himself because he's worried about how his partner will react, says Warren Farrell, author of "Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say." Tell him you're there for him and he can tell you whatever is on his mind.

Adopt a calm, friendly manner when you approach your boyfriend. Don't be critical of his lack of communication skills. Remember that boys are often taught from a young age not to show their emotions, which could be the reason he struggles to open up to you. Act like a caring, supportive partner and he may open up to you in his own time, says Cosmopolitan. Ask him the right questions to encourage him to share his feelings. Questions requiring only "yes" or "no" responses will be easier for him to answer, such as "Do you feel pressure at work right now?" Be sympathetic and non-judgmental.

Boost your boyfriend's confidence if he appears to be feeling insecure. Even if you don't know exactly what's bothering him, you can help him focus on what he's good at, what's going well in his life and what it is you love about him. He might not want to tell you how he's feeling because he doesn't want you to see him as a failure. Make him believe that you think he's great no matter what, and he's more likely to open up to you in the future.

Accept that whatever is on your boyfriend's mind may have nothing to do with you, advises international dating website eHarmony. If you don't have any concerns about your relationship, give him space and let him either sort things out himself or come to you for advice or support when he's ready. Some men simply don't like to talk about their feelings and no amount of encouragement will persuade them to do so.

About the Author

C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."

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