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How to Be Assertive in Dating

by Genevieve Van Wyden

In today’s dating world, women can be assertive, initiating a date and paying for dinner or the movie. Still, about 52 percent of men want to pay for everything, according to Jane Collingwood in “Modern Love.” When it comes to expressing an interest in someone, both men and women can speak up and say, “Hey, I’m interested in you. Why don’t we go see the latest flick that’s showing this weekend?”

Pick Up the Sass

Ladies, it doesn’t pay to be shy and retiring, waiting for the men to express interest and suggest an evening out with you, says Collingwood. When you meet someone you’re interested in, get acquainted with your inner Sassy Girl, smile, flirt a little and let him know you like him. Chances are, he’ll appreciate your approach, and if he doesn’t, it’s his loss. If he does respond positively, flirting back, keep getting to know him. Then suggest a day at the flea market or a meal at the new restaurant in town. Go on -- smooth your hair, catch his eye and wink at him.

Assert Your Preferences

You’ve asked that hot guy out and you’re discussing possible activities for your date. Impress him by having an idea of what you want to do, suggests Nick Notas on his Dating Specialist website. Rather than saying, “You pick what we’ll do,” tell him, “I’d like to go see that new art exhibit,” or “That new dog park is pretty cool. We can chat while we walk Bosco. Let’s go!”

Look Out for Your Personal Safety

In all dating-related matters, your safety should be your first concern. If a new guy says he’ll pick you up at your condo, nix that and tell him you’ll meet him in a public area, such as at a coffee shop or restaurant. Until you know this man, you don’t know what he’s capable of. If he insists that he can pick you up, respectfully say, “No, thank you. I’d prefer to drive there and meet you.” If he’s tuned into safety for women, he’ll understand where you’re coming from and agree to your stated preference. If not, explain that you approach all new dates in this manner. He'll respect it or not. If he doesn't, then break the date.

Discuss, But Don’t Confront

It’s possible to disagree with your date without destroying the chances of a future romantic relationship. It’s all in how you present your opinion and respect your date’s beliefs. Man or woman, you have your opinions on the economy, the state of the world or your beliefs about adopting a pet from the shelter. If you see your date shaking her head and smiling, that’s her signal that she disagrees with you. Offer your own opinion in a respectful way, Notas suggests. “I agree that purebred dogs are good options for some people, but shelter dogs have a lot of love to give.”

Express Your Interest

You’ve met someone new and you’ve got a few successful dates behind you. It’s time to communicate your interest in this person. You have several ways of doing so, according to the Internet Shyness website. First, simply say, “I’d like to spend more time getting to know you better.” Chances are, he’s also interested. Next, use body language, by smiling, making eye contact for several seconds or placing your hand on his shoulder. He’ll get the message. Finally, suggest future get-togethers, such as, “Let’s go for a horseback ride this weekend. I don’t have to work. What about you?”

About the Author

Genevieve Van Wyden began writing in 2007. She has written for “Tu Revista Latina” and owns three blogs. She has worked as a CPS social worker, gaining experience in the mental-health system. Van Wyden earned her Bachelor of Arts in journalism from New Mexico State University in 2006.

Photo Credits

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