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Advice for Women Dating Men After a Bad Divorce

by Elise Wile

Henry Ford once said, "Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently." This is certainly the case when a marriage has failed. If you learn from the experience, you will be able to bring wisdom and discernment to a new relationship, ensuring that you will not repeat the same mistakes -- or marry someone whose main interest in life is drinking six-packs while watching porn on the Internet.

Wait

Living on your own can be difficult after you have become accustomed to sharing your life with another person -- however unpleasant that life was. The worst thing you can do after an ugly divorce, however, is leap into another relationship. If you suspect you are susceptible to rebound, wait until you feel comfortable being on your own before dating. Otherwise, you risk getting into another relationship that is unhealthy, as you will not have had time to figure out what it is you truly need from a man, as well as what you have to offer him.

Privacy

Keep your personal life private. If you have been through a nasty divorce, you do not want to add fuel to the still smoldering fire – especially, if you have children and are dealing with visitation issues. Avoid posting updates about your dating life on social networks where friends of your ex can see and spread the word that you went to your favorite Italian restaurant with a new man. Having to deal with your ex's jealousy or hostility when you begin dating again will add unwanted stress to your

Shop Wisely

If you have been married for a while, the whole dating scene can feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Keep in mind that dating is similar to shopping, because you need to know what you want before you go, says counselor Donna Ferber in a January 2011 article on her website. For example, if you need to buy a new pair of shoes for an upcoming formal event, chances are you that you aren't going to head to the local furniture store. The same thing goes for dating. You need to know what you are looking for in a partner in order to find him. If you want to date mature professionals, attend conferences rather than hanging out at the local bar. If your ex taught you that you it is best to avoid people who are self-centered, then you should volunteer and meet someone who is altruistic.

Switch Gears

Although your mind may still be occupied at times with thoughts of your evil ex, avoid talking about her or your previous marital difficulties with the people you date. No one wants to hear about how your ex-husband managed to walk away with all of the equity in the house or battled you extensively for custody of your two children. Taking this line of conversation will cause your date to "run for the hills," according to therapist and relationship expert Kimberly Seltzer in a September 2012 article in the "Huffington Post." If your ex continues to occupy this much space in your mind, you are likely not yet ready for a new relationship. While the divorce may have been traumatic, it is best to work through your emotions in therapy or with a supportive friend rather than weighing down your conversations with this subject while on a date.

About the Author

Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.

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