How to Survive Hurt Feeling in a Marriage

by Katrina Miller

Your feelings were hurt, and you are flooded with thoughts of uncertainty. You wonder if your relationship will work, if your partner cares about you or if you are a lovable person. You feel the sting of rejection or betrayal, and wonder if you can survive the pain. The key to surviving hurt feelings in marriage is to practice the strength of resilience.


Resilience, according to Webster's New World College Dictionary, comes from the word "resile," meaning to "bounce back." Resilient people find the strength to put themselves back together when they get hurt by managing how they think and behave in order to survive life's setbacks.

Survival Thinking

Expect that feelings will be hurt in a close relationship and that you will have to put effort into the repair. Continue to expect that you and your partner will respond to each others needs, suggests the March 2013 "Personal Relationships." Approach your relationship with the idea that you will persist through difficult times, suggests the September 2004 "Child Research Brief."

Survival Behaviors

Resolve the issue that generated the hurt feelings. Your expressing feelings to your partner can help both of you grow from the hurtful experience. Together, you can decide on effective behavior that can solve the problem. You might decide to respectfully "live and let live." Alternatively, you might take turns making concessions. Compromise could address conflicting needs between you and your partner. You can turn a discussions about hurt feelings into an opportunity to highlight strengths in your persons and in your relationship. By combining viewpoints, you may even find a more effective solution to the issue that triggered the hurt than either of you had previously considered.

Make Your Marriage Even Better

Your struggle to heal the hurt can be likened to rebuilding after a natural disaster: you will build better coping strategies into your brain, according to Issue 1 of "Psychological Inquiry." The new you -- and the new relationship will benefit from your new ways of understanding, making decisions and resolving the issues that cause hurt feelings.

About the Author

Katrina Miller is a medical writer specializing in behavioral health. She has been published in "Family Perspectives" and the "Salt Lake Tribune." She has a doctoral degree in Family and Human Development from Utah State University.

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