How to Reconcile with an Old Girlfriend

by Remy Lo

At some point, you may just realize that you were better off with your old girlfriend. Whether the blame of the breakup lies on her or your shoulders, reconciling with an old girlfriend can be a tough to complete without some type of guidance. Although reconciling with you ex-girlfriend can be difficult, this does not necessarily make it impossible when keeping some key things in mind.

Find the root. Before you go charging to her door with flowers in her hand it is necessary to confront and deal with old issues first. Sometimes this will require soul-searching and doing homework before actual contact with you old girlfriend is made. Search out the reasons you broke up in the first place and come to an honest realization of the things you did wrong or could have done better before you go any further. This will allow you to be prepared when the conversation about your split comes up, and it will.

Show and prove. Actions speak louder than words the majority of the time, so if you are cognoscente of actions your girlfriend wanted you to do before you split, then be prepared to show her how you have changed. This will not be something you will be able to just say, but you will need to actually prove it in action and prove it consistently. If you are beginning to second guess what she wanted (assuming it was within reason) then you should seriously reconsider reconciliation.

Prepare yourself. This means looking your best (if you are to see her face to face) and knowing what you are going to say when you talk to her again. Have your thoughts and expectations together before you talk to her and if possible, practice what you will say before you talk to her. Be sure that what you prepare to say is brief and to the point. When the time presents itself, your old girlfriend may not want to give you a lot of time to explain yourself or intentions. Give longer explanations if the opportunity presents itself. Try to mentally prepare yourself as well for things that she may ask you or say, you know somewhat how she will react to things you say.

Make contact. If necessary look up her number or if appropriate, go by her job, bearing gifts of course. Be sure that the gift you get her is something she will like and appreciate. When contacting your old girlfriend on the phone, first let her know that she has been on your mind constantly as this will soften her stance a little. Girls like their egos to be stroked, so the nicer you make your reintroduction, the more likely it will be that she will give a chance.

Exploit your strong suits. Remember the things she liked about you before and use that to your advantage. Try not to be extra disagreeable when she explains her side of the story when you are talking to her. Let your old girlfriend explain herself fully and uninterrupted unless you feel it necessary to butt in. Before bringing up something to her that you know may not go over well, use yourself as an example if possible, this will show that you are not out to get her and you are not without fault of the same things at times. This will take genuine honesty with yourself as well as her to complete but can be done tactfully.

Ask for another chance. If you haven’t already asked her for another chance at the relationship then make your intentions plain, even if she has assumed that is the reason for you contacting her. Although this will leave you open for rejection, you will never get the opportunity if you don’t ask or make an effort.

Know when to go. Rejection is a part of life and sometimes reconciliation does not mean getting another chance with your old girlfriend, but rather respecting each others' differences and bringing things to a proper closure. If this is her stance or your stance after contact has been made, then know when it is time to give up, especially if she is sending you signals that it will be impossible to overcome your differences. Pushing things past the point of forgiveness is something that should be avoided at all costs, so be aware of when it is time to move on.

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  • Counseling or having a mediator of some sort may be helpful in order to bring true reconciliation to both sides of the spectrum. Be sure that if this is an option for you, which both parties agree on whom the mediator will be and that they are neutral until professional judgments are made.


  • Before reproaching your old girlfriend, make sure she does not have a current boyfriend that is around at the time of approach. Doing so may put you, as well as her, at risk unnecessarily.

About the Author

Remy Lo has been a freelance writer since 2002. He covers a wide range of topics, from politics to personal improvement, and has been published in a literary magazine and several websites.