How to Put a Spark in a Dying Marriage

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When a couple says “I Do” on their wedding day, it is nearly impossible for them to believe that the love they feel in that moment could ever possibly fade. With time and the usual frustrations, however, it isn’t uncommon for couples to begin drifting apart after several years together. Finding a way to reignite that spark is necessary on occasion in order for a marriage to continue growing and thriving.

Back to Basics

Remember when you first started dating, and you used to get butterflies every time you knew you were going to see each other? It is time to recreate that magic, returning to those days of initially courting each other, suggests Julie Orlov, psychotherapist, in the article, “Marriage Advice to Ignite That Dying Spark.” Start dating your spouse, make plans and come up with excuses to get out of the house together. Rebuild some of that flirty momentum you felt during your dating days by placing a priority on getting to know each other again in this new context.

Take Notice

Sometimes finding that spark again can be as simple as making the effort to notice and appreciate the little things your spouse does throughout the day, explains David Hawkins, a counselor known as “The Relationship Doctor,” in the Christian Broadcasting Network article “What to do When Your Marriage Grows Stale.” Perhaps your husband is great about keeping the lawn looking nice, or maybe your wife is an amazing cook, but when was the last time you thanked them for those contributions to your life together? We all tend to take those little efforts for granted when we have become used to them, but now is the time to start noticing and talking about how lucky you two really are.

Get a Little Touchy

People crave intimate touches, and one way to reignite the spark in your relationship is to begin making a point of touching your partner again, according to Robert Leahy, director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York City, in the Huffington Post article “Marriage Rut-Busters: 5 Ways to Get the Spark Back.” Talk to your spouse about the need for more touch in your relationship, and start making it a point to hold hands or kiss in passing. These moments don’t have to lead to a sexual encounter for them to be powerful.

Redefine the Future

Over time, our hopes and visions for the future can begin to change and veer away from what we once thought we wanted. For a relationship to continue thriving, you need to sit down together and discuss your relationship and the shared future you want together, explains Orlov. Reaching for common dreams can help to unite you once more, and getting on the same page so that you can begin working towards the future you both want is key to coming together again.