How to Get Over Disputes Between You & a Friend

by Christa Orion

A friendship is the closest bond you can have with someone other than your family members. When you're involved in a dispute with a close friend, it can be devastating to everyone involved. Identifying the problem and finding a way to ensure it doesn't happen again are key in bringing your friendship back to normal.

What Happened, and How to Fix It

Identifying the cause of the problem is the first step in getting over a serious disagreement with your friend. Whether it is a difference in opinion that got out of hand or an unfriendly act, it is important to not focus on blame when working out the problem but to find common ground in solving it. Jayson Gaddis, psychotherapist, states that a healthy relationship is marked by our ability to accept conflict and actively deal with it. Regardless of the cause, focus your energy on getting past it, rather than dwelling on or avoiding the issue. The strength of a friendship depends on your willingness to work on keeping it intact.

Give Her Space

Everyone needs time to heal and reflect after an argument. Constantly revisiting the issue can lead to even more bad feelings. Give your friend some space. When she is ready to talk more about the situation, or maybe just vent a little, be open minded. A friend should be someone you can talk to about anything without fear of judgment or offense. Being there for her and showing her that you are trying to correct your wrongdoings or forgive her's will prove to be a positive move in repairing the friendship.

Provide Assurance

Having a friend is a blessing. A secret keeper, confidant and "partner in crime" is a hard thing to replace. Understand the value of friendships in your life in comparison to the small and possibly insignificant things you may be fighting about. Make a promise to your friend that you will do whatever it takes to protect your friendship through any situation. Sometimes a little assurance is all that it takes to mend the bond.

Letting Go

Now that everything is out in the open and feelings have been expressed, it is time to move on. Melanie Brown Kroon, marriage and family therapist identifies forgiveness and letting go as the final action in getting over betrayal from a friend. Depending on the seriousness of the conflict, resolution may take time. Try to not lose faith in your ability to make it work. Mourning a friendship can be just as emotionally painful as mourning a romantic relationship. Take your time and work hard toward keeping those good friends close.

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About the Author

Christa Orion is a psychologist in training with focus on family and relationship health. She has years of experience working with individuals going through domestic issues.

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