How to Not Scare off a Potential Boyfriend

by Maura Banar

You've met a guy and you're enjoying the rush of emotions that occurs when you feel a strong attraction. You want to see him frequently, text him often and check in by phone as much as possible. That's what you want to do, but what about him? The emotions feel great, but acting on them can be intimidating and scare that guy away. All may be fair in love and war, but in a budding relationship, less is more.

Develop and implement a healthy social network. The rush of emotions you're feeling can be shared with people other than the object of your attention. Social supports, according to the Mayo Clinic, help improve self-esteem and provide an outlet for sharing and a feeling of security. Licensed professional counselor Ross Cohen adds on his website that impulsive behaviors in dating may be a way of coping with feelings that include low self-esteem and insecure attachments. Sharing yourself with social supports such as friends and family diverts and distributes your attention so it's not all on your potential boyfriend.

Maintain an awareness of how you act and react with your potential boyfriend. Behaviors such as calling him frequently, canceling activities in your life to spend time with him or referring to him to others as your "boyfriend" can scare off a guy because it's too much relationship too quickly. These behaviors are perceived as clingy or needy, and although you have good intentions, they are a little too obvious. If you're unsure whether your strong emotions are too evident with your potential boyfriend, ask a friend to join you two on an outing and give you perspective on your behavior.

Enjoy activities such as hobbies or other interests outside of the relationship. Cohen explains that the compulsion to place yourself deep into a relationship too soon can indicate a type of addiction. Seek out your own interests, whether it be something you've always enjoyed or an entirely new activity.

Keep conversations between the two of you casual and light. There is perhaps nothing more terrifying than a sudden discussion about marriage when you haven't even started a relationship. This places expectations on the other person to also consider a commitment that isn't realistic. Instead of potentially stress-inducing subjects, stick to lighter topics such as hobbies, the weather or favorite television shows. Over time and as you get to know your potential mate, both of you will naturally progress toward topics that imply a possible future together. If you can't help but imagine and verbalize a future with your potential boyfriend, keep those conversations among your social supports.

About the Author

Maura Banar has been a professional writer since 2001 and is a psychotherapist. Her work has appeared in "Imagination, Cognition and Personality" and "Dreaming: The Journal of the International Association for the Study of Dreams." Banar received her Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Buffalo State College and her Master of Arts in mental health counseling from Medaille College.

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