How to Loosen Up on First Dates

by C. Giles

All "firsts" in life are pretty nerve-wracking: first day of school; first day at a new job; and of course a first date. You may find yourself dreading a first date simply because you are feeling so anxious about it. There are a few simple steps that might help you loosen up on your date and perhaps increase the likelihood of a second one.

Give yourself a short pep talk right before your date. Tell yourself that your aim is simply to have fun. Begin the date with the mindset that you are going to try to enjoy yourself and get to know someone new.

Keep your expectations realistic. If you are wondering if you have met your soulmate from the beginning of the date, you're more likely to feel anxious and struggle to relax. Live in the moment and don't think about what may or may not happen in the future.

Be yourself. If you put on an act or try to come across as who you think your date wants you to be, rather than who you actually are, you'll find it difficult to engage with your date and you could come across as fake.

Accept that you are going to feel nervous and tell yourself that your date is probably going to feel the same. Avoid beating yourself up about your anxiety. Wait outside the date venue for a moment before you go in. Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself to relax and have fun.

Ask your date questions to avoid long, awkward silences, which can make you feel more nervous. Keep it simple by asking her about her job, her family and her hobbies and interests. Listen and respond to her answers and hopefully this will make conversation flow.


  • Take some time before your date to relax. Put on your favourite music while you're getting ready. Make yourself a cup of herbal tea or hot chocolate. Call your best friend, sister or someone you trust for a quick chat. Spend a few minutes talking to them to take your mind off your date.
  • Make sure you have plenty of time before the date to do your hair and makeup. Wear an outfit that you feel comfortable in. The better you feel about yourself, the more confident you will appear to your date.

About the Author

C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."

Photo Credits

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