Poor self-esteem begins at a young age, notes clinical psychologist Celeste Gertsen.This man may have had experiences in early childhood that led him to create unrealistic standards for himself, to base his self-worth on social interactions with others, or to feel ashamed and internalize mistakes instead of assessing them and moving on, says Gertsen. Try to understand that low self-esteem is a matter of distorted perspective, and empathize with this man as much as possible. He has a daily struggle to feel “good enough” by standards he likely doesn’t apply to other people.

One of the most common ways to boost someone’s self-esteem is to let them know that their actions are positive with a sincere compliment. The Counseling and Mental Health Center at the University of Texas at Austin recommends that people with poor self-esteem seek support from their friends in this way. Stay honest, and make a point to compliment this man’s actions, intelligence, loyalty, or sense of humor in a sincere way. Your small compliment will give him a reason to think better of himself.

On top of contributing to anxiety and depression, low self-esteem can also cause problems in friendships and romantic relationships, because the person who struggles with self-esteem seeks constant reassurance from others. While you can help this person with positive talk, draw the line at comparisons. A person with low self-esteem might say, “I’m not really smart; not as smart as you are,” to which you can respond, “Thank you for the compliment, but I’m trying not to compare myself to others and I would appreciate it if you’d do the same. We’re both smart.” These kinds of comparisons can wear on a relationship.

People who suffer from poor self-esteem, whether they mean to be or not, are fairly self-centered because they are so concerned about what they are doing and how they measure up at all times. When talking to someone with low self-esteem, try to direct the conversation away from personal matters and on to world events or common interests. This person might be a lot more fun to talk to if you’re discussing last night’s game or the latest news. He might even forget about his problems for a minute, and boost his self-concept through a thoughtful or funny comment.