How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend to Speak to You Again

by Rebecca Cioffi

An ex-boyfriend is an "ex" for a reason. You or he decided not to continue the relationship, or maybe you decided together. But now he's gone, and you miss him in your life. He may be hurt and not want any further communication, or he may have moved on and not want any further contact. The difference between you wanting to maintain a friendship and being a stalker is how you go about trying to reconnect.

How To Get Your Ex-Boyfriend To Speak To You Again

Email him or send him a quick text. But if you have already done this, maybe a few hundred times with no response, skip this step entirely. Lots of emails, texts and voice mails can make your ex feel like he's being hounded by you.

Buy a card and send it snail mail. It's old-fashioned, but it can work. Pick out a card in the "Friendship" section, one that isn't too romantic or needy, and just simply sign it with your name. Mail it and see what happens. Do not call to see if he got it.

Talk to your mutual friends. Find out if he is seeing someone new and happy in that relationship. Or if he's still hurt from your break-up and talking as if he never wants to see you again. No matter how hard it is to know this information, you need to know to move forward.

If he is in a new relationship, be respectful of that. But if you want the friend part of your ex back, let him know you know he's in a new relationship and that you're fine with it. Think about sending him two movie passes and make it clear they're for him and his new girlfriend to use. Tell him you just want the friendship back.

If you find out he is still hurt and cannot stand the thought of talking to you, do not make any more attempts to contact him that are casual or easy, such as a quick "call me" text. Instead, write him a very heartfelt letter explaining that you know you've hurt him badly but that you want him back in your life. Make it VERY clear whether you want him back as a friend or romantically. Then wait and do nothing else. He'll call if and when he's ready.

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Items you will need

  • Email
  • Telephone
  • Cards
  • Event tickets


  • Do not just "show up" places you know he'll be -- such as his work.
  • Don't put others in between you as messengers -- it may become a game of "telephone."
  • Do not "drunk dial" him when you are out of control and screaming or crying.

About the Author

Rebecca Cioffi worked in the entertainment industry for almost 20 years and is currently living in Phoenix, Ariz., where she is working on a book. She is also a phlebotomist.

Photo Credits

  • LuminaStock/iStock/Getty Images