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How to Find Yourself After a Breakup

by Noreen Wainwright

There is no easy way through a breakup. Some people resort to alcohol or overeating to help assuage the intense feeling of loss. Others jump into another relationship far too quickly. But, if you can view this period of sadness and pain as essential to the next, and maybe even better, part of your life, this will help you to get through it. According to Dating and Relationship Advice for Women, it seems surprising that the end of something that may have been making you unhappy for a while can still be painful. But it is still a major change and an ending. If you can cling to the thought that you will emerge from this experience a stronger and wiser person you have made a start in healing process.

Keep your dignity. Behave in a cool and controlled way in front of your former partner even if you feel like wailing and screaming. Take the offers of solace and a shoulder to cry on offered by family members or friends. Give yourself time to recover. Avoid making any major decisions in the first few months after a breakup as you are unlikely to be thinking straight.

Recognize that there are aspects of yourself, perhaps dreams and ambitions, that have been sacrificed because of your relationship. Take this opportunity to resurrect some of these dreams and take practical steps to fulfill them. This will not only distract your mind from your pain but will also give you something to look forward to. There is bound to be something such as taking a night class in cooking, traveling, or learning to dance that you have put off because of spending time with your former partner.

Accept the necessity of emotional pain in life, and recognize that this will eventually make you a wiser person. Perhaps this will make you someone who others come to for advice, because you will have been through a painful experience and survived. Set small, important goals to improve your physical fitness and health. This may involve a big challenge, such as training for a marathon, or a small goal, like attending a new exercise class once a week.

Tip

  • Dismiss feelings of anger and bitterness as these feelings, if dwelt upon, can hurt you much more than the object of your anger.

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