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Why Won't He Ask Me to Marry Him?

by Becky Swain , studioD

A prolonged period of dating can make you start to wonder why the man who is the object of your affection has not asked you to marry him. It can serve as an unrelenting source of frustration when you seek to tie the knot, but he does not. There are some obvious and not-so-obvious reasons why some men are reticent to take the plunge, as well as some of the factors that contribute to cold feet.

Availability of Sex and Femininity

Issues related to sex may influence why your partner is dragging his feet when it comes to asking you to marry him. For some men, the accessibility of sex outside a marriage relationship functions as a deterrent to saying “I do,” according to psychologist Dr. David G. Eigen, in the article “Men Who Won’t Marry” on his website. Further, because they can have sexual relationships with one or many partners without commitment, some men might not want to give up this freedom. Another problem connected to the sexual component is that a man might feel that a woman's attitude is more masculine than feminine. Also, if a woman is overtly sexual, it can make her seem less feminine. While a man might want an "equal" partner, he also might feel that you are missing the femininity factor that he desires in a life partner.

Confirmed Bachelors

If a man reaches age 50 without marrying, he may be less likely to marry, reports Samantha Daniels, relationship expert and professional matchmaker, in the Huffington Post article, “Ten Types of Men Who Won’t Marry You.” However, it’s not always a hopeless scenario. Although the chances of a bachelor popping the question drop when he reaches the 47- to 50-age range, it still occurs, according to author John Malloy in the Today.com article, “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others.”

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

For your partner to ask you to marry him, he must face the risk that one out of two marriages ends in divorce -- and also all the ugliness that can accompany a divorce, explains Dr. David G. Eigen. For some men, and perhaps your man, the stakes are simply too high to ignore. Divorce represents an insurmountable personal failure and painful journey. Remaining single means that your partner does not take a heart-wrenching gamble on a happy ending.

No Rings and Lots of Perks

Cohabiting provides many of the benefits of having a wife for men without a legal commitment, according to John Malloy. Consider a few of the perks of cohabiting including loving companionship, sex and the sharing of joys, sorrows and living expenses. Serial cohabiters live with one woman for a period of time, end the relationship and move on to another partner without commitment. The ease of cohabiting makes the top ten list of reasons why men don’t marry in the 2013 ABC News article, “Why Are Men Waiting to Marry?”

About the Author

Becky Swain's first publication appeared in the "Journal of Personality Assessment" in 1984. Her articles have also appeared on various websites. She is an adjunct college instructor, licensed school psychologist and educational consultant. She holds a Master of Science in clinical psychology and a Doctor of Philosophy in educational psychology, both from Mississippi State University.

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