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How to Know if a Woman Is Too Clingy

by Parker Janney

It's not that you aren't attracted to her, or that you don't enjoy spending time with her, but lately you may have started to wonder if she's developed an unhealthy attachment to you. Clingy women are those who depend on you and the relationship to compensate for low self-esteem or to fill an emotional void in her life that she doesn't have the means to satisfy by herself. Dating a woman with low self-esteem can negatively affect your quality of life. Protect yourself by knowing the signs of clingy women before things get too serious.

Does she demand a lot of time?

A clingy woman will often put many demands on your time and expect you to spend as much of your free time as possible with her. She may resent you when you try to spend time with your friends or family, engage in a favorite hobby or have to work late. When you try to carve out some "me" time for yourself, she might complain that you don't make her a priority, even if you've spent most of your free time with her. This is because having you around makes her feel valuable, worthy and desired, whereas being without you leaves her feeling worthless and unloved. She may not have learned how to internalize feelings of worthiness and lovability.

Is she rushing things?

A woman who is too clingy will often try to rush into a relationship with you. If you've only just met and she's already rushing a sexual relationship, demanding exclusivity or wants to introduce you to her parents, this may be a sign that she's using the relationship in place of authentic self-worth. Women with healthy self-esteem will be willing to take things slow, and get to know you before rushing into anything serious or putting labels on your relationship.

Is she jealous and suspicious?

A woman who is clingy will often be highly suspicious of your interactions with other women. Does she accuse you of flirting or cheating even if you've never given her a reason to? Does she read your letters, emails or texts to see if you've been talking to other women? Maybe she's calling into your voice mail to see who has called you. She could be extremely jealous of your female friends. Underlying these behaviors may be a deep-seated fear of abandonment. She may be terrified that you will leave her for another woman because deep down she doesn't feel worthy of your attention or your loyalty.

Does she not let you have your opinion?

A woman who is very clingy will often become cold, upset or shut down if you share an opinion or strong preference that differs from her own. She may view your independence as a threat to the closeness of the relationship. The clingy woman may be comforted by the delusion that you are simply an extension of herself that she is in control of. If you assert yourself as an independent individual with your own desires, needs and wants, it conflicts with this delusion. Sharing your own unique opinion or preference is a way of asserting the "you", which she will view as threatening to the "us". In her mind, if "you" exist, "we" is weakened.

About the Author

Parker Janney is a web developer and writer based in Philadelphia. With a Master of Arts in international politics, she has been ghostwriting for several underground publications since the late 2000s, with works featured in "Virtuoso," the "Philadelphia Anthropology Journal" and "Clutter" magazine.

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