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How to Win a Man's Heart When Starting a New Relationship

by Elise Wile

In the iconic book "Little Women," author Louisa May Alcott writes, "Jo had learned that hearts, like flowers, cannot be rudely handled, but must open naturally…." As much as you'd like a guarantee that you can win your guy's heart, it is simply not possible. You can work to increase your attractiveness, but in the end what matters is whether or not the two of you have chemistry, similar values and other factors that are important to a relationship's success.

Smile, and do so often. Few guys are attracted to a "Debbie downer" and your positive attitude will give your interactions a positive charge. Behavioral analyst Dr, John "Jack" Schafer notes in a "Psychology Today" article that when you smile, your brain releases endorphins. Since the guy you like will probably return your smile, he'll get a boost of this feel-good chemical as well, and perhaps associate being around you with a feeling of well-being.

Listen. When you pay attention to what someone is saying, it makes him feel both understood and valued. When you make another person feel good about himself, he's more likely to enjoy your company. To listening effectively, put away your phone and any other distractions, and give your guy your undivided attention. Make your responses meaningful by avoiding empty conversational interjections like "That's nice" and "Really?"

Don't be too available. While you don't want to come off as an inauthentic game-player, the hard truth is that uncertainty can increase the level of attraction. In an article published in Psychology Today, New Mexico State University researcher Peter Jonason calls this "sexual economics" and explains that we are hard-wired to want what we think we can't have. Playing hard to get gives you what Johanson called a "lower availability," which automatically increases the level of demand. Don't invent reasons not to see a new man, however. Be authentically non-clingy instead.

Work on developing your own life. Men are not often attracted to women who are needy or uninteresting. To exude confidence and maintain a worthy guy's interest, you need to have interests in your life besides romance. Focus on doing an outstanding job at work, learning a new hobby or meeting new people and you'll have much more to say when you get together with your guy.

Flirt and have fun. Try not to worry about whether or not he will return your feelings. Enjoy the moments you have with him, and your zest for life will come through, making you more attractive and possibly softening his heart to include a woman who enjoys his company.

Warning

  • Don't become so focused on winning over a new man that you fail to evaluate whether or not he has the values that are important to you in a relationship. When you concentrate on winning his heart, you fail to give him the opportunity to win yours.

About the Author

Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.

Photo Credits

  • Dynamic Graphics/Creatas/Getty Images