our everyday life

How to Win Your Best Friend Back

by Karen Kleinschmidt, studioD

Maybe it is time or distance that has separated the two of you. Before too long you realize you haven't seen or heard from your best friend in months. Perhaps, it was something painful such as a misunderstanding that failed to get resolved and caused a rift between the two of you. Your best friend might have been going through a painful situation that caused her to withdraw and push you away. Whatever the reason, you miss her and want to rekindle the connection you once had.

Decide if you really want your best friend back. Devise a list of pros and cons regarding your friendship. If you decide the good outweighs the bad, then attempt to win her back with a forgiving heart. Begin by letting go of any anger or resentment. Then, devise a plan to make contact with her.

Write your friend a heartfelt letter or email explaining that you would like to get together and catch up with her. Let her know the best way and best times she can get in touch with you. To avoid putting pressure on your friend, keep your message light and open-ended. Tell her you are thinking of her and the good times you two have had.

Call your friend to ask how she is doing. This will help you gauge whether she is interested in being friends again. Mailing a small gift or card to your friend to let her know you miss her is a kind gesture that has the potential to get your friendship back on track.

Avoid blaming your friend and own your part for the fallout or lack of time spent together. Your conversations should not be about who is wrong or right. Instead, they should focus on resolving any issues that have interfered with your friendship. If your argument centered around a careless remark that hurt your feelings, admit that you were hurt. Also, admit that you may have overreacted by refusing to speak to her for so long.

State what you would like from your friend in a positive manner. For example, if you felt the two of you were engaging only in activities that she chose, explain that you have suggestions for things the two of you can do together. Tell her how you feel about the issue. Tread slowly and allow your friendship to rebuild over time.

Resist the urge to bring up or talk about negative aspects of the past once you've settled your dispute. Instead, talk about pleasant memories and what brought the two of you back together in the present day.


  • Despite your best efforts, there is no guarantee your friendship will be restored. Give up trying to win back your friend if she does not reciprocate.

About the Author

Karen Kleinschmidt has been writing since 2007. Her short stories and articles have appeared in "Grandma's Choice," "Treasure Box" and "Simple Joy." She has worked with children with ADHD, sensory issues and behavioral problems, as well as adults with chronic mental illness. Kleinschmidt holds a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Montclair State University.

Photo Credits

  • Creatas/Creatas/Getty Images