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How to Trust Again After a Divorce

by Contributing Writer

If you have been through a difficult relationship, felt personally betrayed or violated and your marriage ended in divorce, you may find you no longer trust anyone. These feelings are normal, and you should not be ashamed. Recovering from a marriage in which your spouse cheated or was otherwise untrustworthy can take months or even years.

Grieve for your loss. Divorce is a loss that leads to emotional distress, tears and varying degrees of depression. Allow yourself to grieve for your loss, as this is the first step to trusting again.

Talk about how your former spouse hurt you with your friends or a counselor. Allow yourself to discuss your loss of trust with close friends. Seek the professional help of a trained counselor, if you feel comfortable doing that. Discussing such matters with a competent professional who asks the right questions and helps you cope with the early stages of moving on helps you trust again.

Let go of your loss. You were close to your former spouse who broke your trust. Avoid any contact with him, remove all his photographs from your home and stop visiting the parts of town where he lives and works. Ridding yourself of your spouse helps you let go of your loss, which helps you begin trusting again.

Determine what it takes to trust again. Sit down with a notebook and a pen and make a list of your strengths and qualities that will help you trust again after a divorce. Physical strength may be one, which is not only good for the body, but also the mind. It helps you become more alert and focused, better able to deal with the stigma you have suffered. Financial stability could be another positive. This way you have the ability to support yourself and not settle for "just anyone." Make a second list of things you can actively do to reach each of those quality goals, which could include working out, seeking a better job and attending church services. Make these actions realities.

Understand that it won't be easy. Your spouse's untrustworthiness devastated you for months or years. If you recognize that trusting again is not easy, you will have a better perspective that enables you to keep your head up.

Go to dinners, movies and other social events as much as possible with good friends who have never broken your trust. The more you surround yourself with positive, trustworthy people, the easier it will become to trust again.

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