Chances are you've heard a story about a couple who met, fell madly in love and married within two weeks and are still married 50 years later. Such cases do exist, but they tend to be the exception, rather than the rule. Such marriages are more likely to end in divorce, says psychologist Shauna Springer, Ph.D. in an October 2012 article in "Psychology Today." When it comes to getting a ring, it's more likely to stay on your finger if you've waited a bit before taking the plunge.
A Good Relationship Is Worth Waiting For
Just as you'd wait until you found the right home at the right price before signing on the dotted line of a mortgage, it's important that you wait to make sure you have the right man. While it's easy to feel as though you're in love during the first three months of a relationship, that feeling is often based in the glow of infatuation and physical exploration, rather than a desire to be committed to a person no matter what trials life throws your way. Waiting two or three years lets you know that you both have what it takes for the long haul.
Take Time to Discuss Important Issues
Before you get married, you'll need to discuss important factors such as children, religion, career, in-laws and household responsibilities, says psychologist Phil McGraw, Ph.D. on his website. Without coming to an agreement on such issues -- which can take a long time -- you'll have little chance of having a successful long-term marriage. Don't settle for quick assurances that your significant other agrees with you on these issues. Give your relationship more than three months so that you fully know one another before heading to the altar.
When you rush into a marriage after only three months, you don't get the opportunity to solve potential problems before they arise because you don't know what they are. For example, your boyfriend might sink into a depressive funk every September because that's when he lost his dad. If you've only been with him since January, that's one of many things you don't yet know about him. At the very least, wait until you've had a few fights before tying the knot. This way, you both will learn what presses the other's buttons and how the other person communicates in a conflict before you fully commit.
Rushing Can Indicate You're Marrying for the Wrong Reason
Marrying to get out of the house, to legitimize sex, or to avoid being alone are three circumstances that are not likely to lead to a lasting union, according to marriage and family therapist Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. in the article "5 Reasons Not To Marry the One You Love." A mature love and commitment that will last throughout the years requires time to form. Until that happens, put your wedding plans on ice.
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