our everyday life

Things to Do to Let My Boyfriend Know I Love Him

by Charisse Quin Ross

You feel butterflies in your stomach whenever he comes around. He makes your heart do flips and you may have told him that you love him more times than you care to admit. However for some reason you are clueless about how to put your words into action and show your boyfriend that you truly love him. Don’t worry, there are plenty of things you can do to let your boyfriend know that you love him just as much as you say you do.

Five Languages of Love

Remember that not everyone is alike. What makes you feel loved may be different from what makes your boyfriend feel loved. Surprising him with a bouquet of flowers might not have the same effect that it would have on you. It is also important to note that all men are not alike. For instance while your ex boyfriend might have been thrilled whenever you cooked his favorite meal, your new boyfriend might prefer that you hang out with him at his favorite bar and grill or restaurant. The key is to find his language of love. In the article, "Five Languages of Love" Dr Gary Chapman describes five languages of love which are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical love.

Using Words to Show Your Love

If your boyfriend’s language of love is, “words of affirmation” try complimenting him or writing him a love letter or a poem. Text him or email him sweet messages such as “Hey honey, I was just thinking of you and I hope you’re having a great day at work.” “Sweetie I can’t wait to see you tonight, I miss you.” “I had a great time last night, let’s do it again tonight. I love you." Call him up and say, “Hey, I didn’t want anything. I just wanted to let you know how good you make me feel and I love you." When you are with him, whisper something sweet and loving in his ear. Make sure you are saying or writing things or words that are familiar. For example if you have a pet name for him, use the pet name, but don’t say or write honey, baby, or darling, if you don’t normally use those words. Dr. Frank Luntz, author of "Words That Work: It’s not what you say, It’s what people hear", discusses how communication can be based on feeling rather than the actual words being said. This means that even though you may say one thing, he may take it to mean something else so be careful of the words that you use, your body language and tone, or how you say words. You don’t want to come across as phony or fake.

Doing Good Deeds or Service to Express Love

Preparing a meal for your mate, helping him with the laundry or domestic tasks, running errands for him, feeding or walking his dog, taking care of him when he is sick, or helping him with his work presentation or a home project are all examples of love through acts of kindness, service or good deeds. According to the book, “The How of Happiness” by Sonja Lyubomirsky, pick a day of the week in which you commit to either one new and special large act of kindness or three to five little acts of kindness. The idea is that the acts are something special, which pulls you out of your usual routine. This is an exercise that has been shown to increase people’s feelings of happiness. If this type of kindness were to be expressed in a love relationship, it could also be an outward display of love that will bring happiness to both parties in the relationship. If you want to spice up things, make sure he sees you vacuuming the floor in a sexy maid uniform.

Give Him a Gift as a Token of Your Love

Another way to show your boyfriend that you love him is to provide him with a gift. It does not have to be given on a special occasion like his birthday or Christmas. It should be given as a “just because I love you gift." It does not have to be extravagant or expensive, but it should be thoughtful. If he drinks hot beverages (coffee, tea, hot chocolate, etc) maybe you could give him a mug with his favorite sports team. Perhaps he’ll like a sweater or shirt that compliments his eyes, a new wallet, or some cologne. Take his hobbies or favorite past times into consideration. If he enjoys working out, try getting him a jogging suit, workout clothes, or a new weight set. If he is into technology or computers he might like a new electronic gadget or some software. Maybe motorcycles are his thing, so he might get excited about a new leather jacket or helmet. If he is into books and reading, get him a subscription to his favorite magazine. For a boyfriend who is a music lover, download his favorite songs on his Ipod or a CD entitled "The songs we love".

Quality Time and Physical Love

If your boyfriend’s language of love is quality time and physical love, then you should find out what he likes to do and set aside time to join him. If his favorite past time is watching movies, set up a movie night. Or set up date nights where you spend time doing things that you like to do together as a couple or do or new things that you both have never tried before. You might try wine tasting, local trips to places you don’t normally go, or you might just spend time with him cuddling on the couch. Remember that spending quality time does not mean quantity time. Your guy might appreciate having a night out with the guys every now and then. With physical love, you want to make sure that you show your love by giving him lots of affection. Always greet him with a hug and kiss, also try giving him a massage after he has had a long day at work. Hold his hand whenever you are walking side by side. If you would like to be daring, dress up in your birthday suit, put on your hottest pair of heels, wrap yourself in a bow to give him the ultimate gift that he will surely love.

Ask your Boyfriend to Make a Love List

No matter which way you choose to express the love that you have for your boyfriend, make sure that you understand his love language. If you’re not sure, don’t hesitate to ask him to develop a love list. Nancy Anderson, a columnist on Christian Broadcasting Network and creator of www.joyfulmarriage.com describes her positive experience with the love list in her article on CBN.com, entitled “What Makes Your Spouse Feel Loved.” She explains how her marriage improved when she asked her husband to make a list of things that he wished that she would do for him to make him feel loved. By asking your boyfriend to make a love list, you will be sure to know exactly what things to do to show him that you love him.

Resources

  • http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/pdf/HNHN-ch1.pdf

About the Author

Charisse Ross is a certified Human Resource professional with more than 17 years in human resources consulting and career counseling experience. She has a Bachelor of Arts in human resources and a Masters in public administration. She is also a certified grant writer.

Photo Credits

  • Brand X Pictures/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images