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Things to Do When Your Girlfriend Doesn't Trust You

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr

Trust is the basic foundation of any healthy relationship, according to pastor and founder of StrongerMarriages.org, Dave Willis. Building or rebuilding trust with your girlfriend can be challenging, depending on why she doesn’t trust you. If you violated her trust, apologize for your actions, prove that you won’t do it again and consistently keep your agreements. If her trust is based on the actions of others, your job is harder.

Trustworthy Character

Display the characteristics of a trustworthy individual to your girlfriend. Those traits include truthfulness, integrity, reliability, consistently doing what’s right and loyalty, according to Character Counts, a values curriculum for kids.If she doesn’t trust you because of your actions, these traits can help her see that you are worthy of her trust, but you must be consistent with them, according to licensed marriage and family therapist Sheri Meyers, Psy.D., in a “Huffington Post” article entitled, “For the Betrayer: 8 Things You Must Know and Do to Rebuild Trust After an Affair.”

The Value of Truth

Dishonesty destroys trust. Keep your promises, suggests Meyers. Tell the truth -- all the time! Avoid even the little white lies that chew holes in your integrity. Realize that there are lies of commission -- the ones you tell, and lies of omission -- the truth you don’t reveal. Avoid both forms of dishonesty.

Life After Infidelity

If you violated her trust with infidelity, apologize even if you didn’t think it would hurt because you aren’t married. Take responsibility for your behavior because it’s the honorable and honest thing to do, according to Meyers. Express your commitment to the relationship and provide all the details she needs to put closure to the situation. Discuss what behaviors are acceptable for both of you when it comes to others and then adhere to those guidelines. She might demand concessions to verify you are being faithful, and you need to give them to her if you want to maintain the relationship.

Not Your Mistake

If your girlfriend doesn’t trust because others have hurt her, gently remind her that you haven’t hurt or betrayed her. Ask her if your actions reveal your trustworthiness or if you have betrayed her. If she admits that you haven’t caused her mistrust, ask her for time and opportunity to prove yourself. Professional help could help her to recover from her past hurt and anger, allowing her to see you as the capable and trustworthy man you are.

No Guarantees

You have no guarantees that your girlfriend will ever trust you or build a healthy relationship with you, according to Care2.com in the article, “5 Ways to Rebuild Trust After It’s Broken.” If she does, it might take longer than you wish it would. It’s up to you to hang in there and to prove daily that she can trust you.

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

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