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Telling a Boyfriend You Want to Be Friends

by Debra Pachucki, studioD

Breaking up is rarely an easy thing to do, but once you know that the relationship is over, ending it quickly and respectfully is the best thing for you and your soon-to-be ex. Don't let your fears, worries or feelings of guilt allow you to put off the inevitable. Perpetuating the relationship after it's run its course isn't healthy for either one of you. If you deal with the situation directly and honestly, this will increase your chances of maintaining a friendship in the future.

Be sure that ending the relationship is what you really want to do. If you aren't sure, you might need more time to think it over or talk about your feelings with others. You might want to talk it over with good friends to get their opinion on the relationship. Keep in mind that many times, it isn't possible to take back or undo a breakup once you make it final. So be sure this is what you want.

Arrange a meeting with your boyfriend so that you can break up with him in person. Even though it might be easier for you to give your boyfriend the bad news through a text message or email, it isn't fair or respectful to him. Go to his house to deliver the news privately, or pick a neutral location if you think he might lose his temper or react badly.

Practice what you want to say before meeting with him. Begin the discussion by acknowledging or thanking him for the good times, and then practice how you will tell him that it's time for the relationship to end. If you're fairly sure this is coming as a surprise to him, or that he doesn't want to end the relationship, don't focus on just being friends. Let him first absorb the fact that you are breaking up with him.

Be upfront, honest and direct about your decision to end the relationship. Trying to be too delicate, speaking vaguely or giving him a false sense of hope won't spare his feelings in the long run. Be respectful and avoid blaming or belittling your boyfriend, even if you feel that the breakup is his fault. Further, don't try being distant and cold in the hope that your boyfriend will dump you, as this can lead to alienation and hurtful stress, advises the Health Guidance website. Just be straightforward and tell him that you want to end the relationship.

Be prepared to share your reasons for ending the relationship with him, and do so honestly. Resist placing all the blame on your lover, as you don't was to incite another argument, which might cause you yell, spew some expletives and bolt. Keep the meeting civilized and to the point, according a 2012 Psychology Today article.

Allow your partner the chance to respond and listen to what he has to say, but be firm if he asks for another chance or begins to promise that things can be different, according to the Two of Us website. Make it clear that your decision is final. Even if your partner becomes emotional or angry, encourage him to speak freely, remaining calm yourself. This will allow closure and perhaps alleviate the need for follow-up conversations.

Express your hope for a friendship in the future once he understand that you do not want to reconcile, but allow time and space to heal fresh wounds. If you continue to see and talk to each other soon after ending the relationship, it can give your ex mixed messages about your relationship or your intentions. Make sure that you both moved on emotionally and mentally before reestablishing a relationship as friends.

About the Author

Debra Pachucki has been writing in the journalistic, scholastic and educational sectors since 2003. Pachucki holds a Bachelor's degree in education and currently teaches in New Jersey. She has worked professionally with children of all ages and is pursuing a second Masters degree in education from Monmouth University.

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