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How to Talk to Your Spouse If He Just Gets Angry

by David Stewart

While anger is a very natural human emotion, an uncontrollable display of this emotion can be disastrous, especially for a relationship. If you've been at the receiving end of explosive outbursts from your angry husband, it's time to let him know that he needs to change. Take concrete steps such as honest discussions and seeking professional help as soon as possible before you both end up too hurt and bitter for the relationship.

Leave the scene if possible. Avoid yelling to make your equally yelling husband listen to you; this will just make the situation more explosive. Further, you may end up saying something you don't want to, in anger. Just say, "I will talk to you when you are calmer" and go into your room.

Prepare yourself to deal with the situation if you cannot leave it. Take a few deep breaths or count till 10 and make yourself calm. You stand better chances of facing your angry husband by being calm. Stay calm and quiet as he displays his anger; he has to stop at some point or the other. Be alert, though, in case your husband resorts to physical violence.

Start speaking after he calms down. Keep a low, calm voice as you express your concerns. Use "I" statements instead of "you" to explain your issues. For example, say "I'm angry that you left me alone to deal with the kids to break the news that our vacation has been canceled," instead of "You are always escaping responsibilities, Mark. You should have told the children about the vacation. After all, it was because of your boss that our vacation got canceled." "You" statements convey blame and come across as fault-finding, which can lead to another angry outburst from your husband.

Lay down rules of behavior for your husband. Make it clear that it's not OK for him to yell at you just because he is angry. Tell him how you feel and what goes through you when he shows his anger on you. Would he yell this way at his colleagues at office? If he is controlled enough at office, he could be the same at home. You deserve no less. Tell your husband the qualities that you like in him and how his uncontrollable anger is ruining your relationship. Ask him what changes in behavior he wants you to make so that there are fewer anger episodes at home.

Be sensitive enough to ask him if something at work or home is bothering him and if that is the reason behind his anger. Encourage him to talk to you about his problems. Suggest solutions that could help him at work. If it is a domestic issue, approach the problem together and find out a solution.

Suggest seeking professional help from anger management counselors. Attend anger management counseling sessions along with your husband. Provide all the help as humanly possible in his efforts to manage his anger at every step.

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