Talking to your boyfriend can be difficult whether you are in a brand-new relationship or you have been with your boyfriend for a longer period of time. Many books have been written about the different ways men and women communicate. However, there is one method that is sure to help you communicate more effectively with your boyfriend every time.
Remove all distractions. Men are easily distracted with visual stimulation. Make sure the area you are in does not have a television, computer, or electronic gaming device. Additionally, you want to make sure that his cell phone is off and that his friends are not scheduled to be in the area.
Make sure that you are seated next to him and not in front of him. Men have trouble maintain eye contact and being forced to do so makes them uncomfortable. If he is uncomfortable he will be less likely to want to engage in conversation. Sitting on a couch side by side is an excellent option as is sitting in a car. If you are going to use the car to facilitate communication you need to be the one driving to reduce his visual stimulation.
Ask him a nonthreatening question. Do not try to get him to open up about his feeling immediately or you may cause him to shut down. If that happens, you will probably not be able to restart the conversation until another day. For your first question, ask him how his day was or if he's heard your new favorite song.
Start to turn the conversation to the topic of your choice after 20 to 30 minutes of casual conversation. Do this by making "I" statements such as I was wondering or I've been feeling. Do not let the conversation turn into a rant about him. Focusing on him might make him feel like he is being attacked while focusing on you should make him feel needed.
Ask him what he thinks after you have expressed yourself. If he says he doesn't know, try a different question or you can ask him what he is unsure of. Many times a man will say he doesn't know to buy himself time to examine how he really feels. If you think this might be the case you can give him a few minutes of quiet to collect his thoughts. When he does respond to your questions make sure you take the time to really listen to him. Follow up with questions to help you more fully understand his point of view.
- Don't try to have a conversation if you are upset; wait until you have calmed down.
- Do not try to talk to your boyfriend if he is upset; let him calm down then try to talk to him.
- business couple talking image by Pavel Losevsky from Fotolia.com