our everyday life

How to Survive Being a Widow

by braniac

Widowhood touches every part of your life. If you are to survive as a widow your spirit has to heal and find its way in this new existence. I call this new existence my "aloneness." As you deal with gut wrenching waves of emotion you also have to deal with the everyday tasks of living. Responsibilities that once were your husband's are now yours. You now wear all the hats in your household. How do you survive being a widow?

Realize that there is no time line when it comes to healing your spirit. You will have good days and horrendous days. You will be fine one minute and filled with sorrow, sadness, and tears the next minute. You will cry yourself to sleep. You will touch his pillow and long for presence. It's all right. You will be all right. Surviving the loss of the love of your life is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. There is no time line and we are all different when it comes to healing our hearts. They say time heals; I feel that time leads to a form of acceptance when it comes to my new "aloneness."

Everywhere you look you will see memories of "us." You will realize that it is hard to be home without him and even harder to be away from home. It is still your home and you will eventually find comfort there; it will be a place that you need to be in because it is still a place of "us."

Your responsibilities will at times overwhelm you. After all, before both of you handled all of the things that it takes to keep a household together - now it is up to you. You can do this; just take one thing at a time. Take pride in being able to handle these responsibilities; look at them as a challenge. These daily challenges will help take your mind off of your new "aloneness."

Don't rush into anything. Think about it, then think about it some more, try not to make any big decisions. You will see that as time passes you will look back and be happy that you didn't sell your home and move, you will be happy that you didn't move in with your daughter or your son, you will be happy that you weathered through the emotional storm that captured your heart and soul.

Don't be afraid to tackle that leaky faucet, or that wall that needs painting, or all of the outside chores that are now yours. But, be realistic and know your limitations; know when you need to ask for help and know when you need to hire an expert. You can do this, you watched your husband do all of these things and you learned from him, just know your limitations and take pride in your independence and ability to make decisions.

Cherish your memories and know that you remain spiritually connected to the love of your life. He is with you, he whispers softly to your heart, he is not just the past but he is the present and the future. Together your "aloneness" will become your new "oneness.

Tips

  • I have been a widow for 2 ½ years. It has gotten easier but there are still days where waves of sadness fill my heart and I long for our life together. No one knows the pain that fills your heart. No one knows how many times during the day that your thoughts are of the love of your life. No one knows the emotions that you struggle with daily. What I do know is that this is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do in my life. I am determined to make my husband proud; I have poured my energy into my writing and I pray for continued success.
  • One thing that I would like to suggest is having a psychic reading to connect with your loved one. I found this to be a wonderful healing experience and I suggest it strongly. I know now in my heart that he exists in another realm beyond the veil. I know that he is with me helping me on my journey here on earth. I know that someday we will be together once again - walking hand and hand in the light and love of God. As I write this I feel him touch my shoulder and smile; letting me know that yes, my "aloneness" is now my new "oneness" with him...