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How to Find the Support & Love You Want from Men

by Kristen Moutria

The key to getting the support and love you want from men is learning to attract the right kind of guy. What makes one guy right and one guy wrong? The right guy will pursue you, learn what makes you smile and respect boundaries you set in your relationship. The wrong guy will be rude, overly dependent on you, immature or all of these. Take a few steps to make sure you attract the right kind of man to help you get everything you want out of a relationship.

Choose a Securely Attached Man

Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne writes in "Psychology Today" that a man who is securely attached and has a positive attitude toward women is the best type of romantic partner. Secure attachment signifies that he felt secure in his relationship with his early caregivers, and, from that experience, he gained an overall sense of security that contributes to positive mental health. A man who is securely attached will likely not have sexist attitudes, and will enjoy being with his mate without smothering her with emotional neediness.

Avoid a Guy Who Is Scared of Commitment

Steer clear of men who are going to use you and then end the relationship. Fran Creffield reports on eHarmony Australia that some people must overcome a genuine fear of commitment in order to build a lasting relationship. Signs that a man may fear committing to you include ending a good relationship for insignificant reasons; being involved in short, intense and passionate relationships that quickly die out; and hating to be "tied down."

Make Sure He Is Emotionally Mature

Choosing a man who is emotionally mature will help you get support and love. On eHarmony, Christian Carter lists the signs of an emotionally mature man: decisive, quick to take responsibility, devoted to a higher purpose and capable of self-expression. A man with these traits will not only be reliable, he will also be interesting to talk to because of his passions. You will be able to have true conversations with him and feel pursued for who you really are.

Take It Slow

Dr. Whitbourne notes in "Psychology Today" that couples who live together before marriage and are not engaged are more likely to divorce than couples who wait to cohabitate until after marrying. Don't let convenience, financial reasons or sex allow you to get too close to a man too soon. Instead, take your time getting to know each other and build a relationship on mutual trust and devotion. A good man will understand your desire to gradually build your relationship, rather than speeding up the process and risking heartbreak.

Set High Standards

Steve Harvey emphasizes the importance of setting high standards when it comes to relationships. In an interview on "Oprah," he suggests making a list of desirable qualities in a mate and referring to the list periodically. Harvey notes that a good man will not be afraid of standards and requirements, and you must be patient when it comes to meeting the right guy for you.

About the Author

Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.

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