When you are happy with your girlfriend, the thought of losing her to another is quite unnerving, inviting the green-eyed monster to rear its head when it comes to her guy friends. This jealousy can spur feelings of low self-esteem, low self-confidence and diminished trust, according to psychologist Mark Attridge in a 2013 paper published in SAGE Open. Deal with your jealousy by calmly thinking through your own reactions, communicating honestly and focusing on your own needs.
Avoid Creating Fictional Stories
Think about why it is you're feeling this wave of jealousy. Did you see something that made you worry? Are you imaging a problem that isn't there? Or are you adopting a mindset that your mate can only ever be attracted to you? These kinds of concerns could potentially be tied to unrealistic feelings about relationships, according to psychology professor Robert L. Leahy in the Psychology Today article "Jealousy is a Killer: How to Break Free from Your Jealous Feelings." The next time you find these stories taking over, take a second to pause and slow down your thoughts. Dismiss the false stories before they create an unhappy picture of truly happy relationship.
Think of the Alternative
Because you cannot control the thoughts and actions of your girlfriend, you can only control the relationship itself to a certain degree. Accepting that you are not entirely in control of this situation may actually help you stop worrying constantly. It may help to think of the alternative to loosening your tight grip on the helm of the relationship. If you're so jealous you can't see straight, you may just drive your partner away, creating a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Talk It Out
So, you're consumed with this feeling. Why not be honest about it with your girlfriend? By sharing your feelings in a calm and rational manner without accusation, you not only give her insight into your feelings but may also encourage stronger overall communication between the two of you. It's best to talk directly and honestly about jealousy in order to manage the emotion, says clinical psychologist Craig Malkin in the Psychology Today article "Five Ways to Kick the Jealousy Habit."
Focus On Yourself
It's easy to become overwhelmed by jealousy if you spend all your time thinking about what could be happening behind your back. Moreover, spending the time and energy on jealousy can take a personal toll on your relationship and physical toll on your well-being. Therefore, find ways to be good to yourself -- take up more hobbies, socialize with other friends and rediscover some of the things that make you happy. By filling up of more good things, you are able to relax a little more.
- Sage Open: Jealousy and Relationship Closeness: Exploring the Good (Reactive) and Bad (Suspicious) Sides of Romantic Jealousy
- Psychology Today: Five Ways To Kick The Jealousy Habit
- Psychology Today: Jealousy is a Killer: How to Break Free from Your Jealous Feelings
- Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Jealousy and the Threatened Self: Getting to the Heart of the Green-Eyed Monster
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