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What Are the Steps to Mending a Hurt in Marriage?

by Shannon Philpott, studioD

Maintaining a healthy relationship can be a challenge when hurt feelings exist. Many times, couples foster resentment, bitterness and angry feelings when one or both parties bottle up these emotions. Mending a hurt within a marriage takes time, effort and commitment from both you and your spouse. Taking the steps necessary to satisfy each other’s wants and needs is a crucial step in the process.

Acknowledge the Hurt

Miscommunication often leads to hurt feelings, ultimately leading to a strained marriage. Release the tension that exists by getting to the root of the problem. Communicate with your spouse about how you feel and work to resolve the conflict using positive words and body language. These conversations can help clear the air, according to the experts at Marriage Missions International. If you and your spouse cannot communicate politely, consider enlisting the help of a third-party mediator or a marriage counselor so you both can come to a mutual understanding.

Make Time for Each Other

When you are hurting, the last thing you want to do is spend time with the source of the pain. However, when you are married, avoiding your spouse like the plague will only make matters worse. Instead, juggle your schedule and work out a few minutes each day for light conversation with your partner. Avoid discussing conflicts, and focus your efforts on dreams, thoughts, goals, and feelings during these special moments. This time together is necessary to renew your love and learn more about each other. Time together also shows you both are willing to make your marriage a priority, says Maud Purcell, a family therapist writing on PsychCentral.com.

Show Affection

Even though you may be hurting, do your best to be sweet to each other, recommends Lynn E. O’Connor, a clinical psychologist, in the Psychology Today article, "How to Have a Happy, Long-Term Partnership (With or Without ‘Marriage’). It may feel artificial at first to reach for your spouse’s hand or to wrap your arms around him or her, but showing affection can reduce the tension that exists and may help the two of you reconnect. Enhance your marriage, too, by planning regular date nights so that you can remember the reasons you both fell for each other. Don't force the romantic feelings or try to have a decent time, but relax and just enjoy each other's company.

Focus on Yourself

If hurt exists within your marriage, it’s likely you need some time to process your feelings. Improve your self-esteem and confidence by focusing on your own identity, rather than on criticizing your spouse. Pursue your own interests and hobbies also eat and exercise in healthy ways. Take time to meditate. Improving your physical health will significantly affect your emotional health,Purcell notes. It’s also possible that as your confidence soars, your spouse will notice and may work to amend the hurt feelings that exist between both of you in your relationship.

About the Author

Shannon Philpott has been a writer since 1999. She has experience as a newspaper reporter, magazine writer and online copywriter. Philpott has published articles in St. Louis metro newspapers, "Woman's World" magazine, "CollegeBound Teen" magazine and on e-commerce websites, and also teaches college journalism and English. She holds a Master of Arts in English from Southern Illinois University.

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