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Should I Leave My Boyfriend if He Doesn't Treat Me Right?

by Candice Coleman, studioD

Relationships have upsides and downsides, but certain behaviors are unacceptable. If your boyfriend is not treating you as you desire, evaluate the behavior and the relationship. There are signs that staying - or leaving - may be ideal. Only you can decide if it is time to leave.

Unacceptable Actions

Hitting, name-calling or isolating you from family and friends should not be tolerated, according to Santa Clara University's article, "20 Relationship Warning Signs." Temper tantrums, put-downs, blaming everyone else for problems and substance abuse issues can also affect your mental health. It may also be time to leave your relationship if your partner's jealousy keeps you from daily activities, or if your partner tracks your movements and how you spend your money.

Considerations and Expectations

Before you break things off, consider whether the grass may truly be greener on the other side. In any relationship, there will be things you like and dislike. Consider whether your expectations are realistic, writes clinical psychologist Jennifer Kromberg in the Psychology Today article, "How Realistic Are Your Relationship Expectations?" While it may be realistic to talk for at least 10 minutes a day, spending all of your free time together may not be realistic.

Talking it Out

If you feel that something in your relationship must change or you will leave, have a conversation with your boyfriend, according to the Two Of Us.org article, "When Words Wound: Solving Conflict Without Hurting Your Partner." Practice what you plan to say and keep your cool. You might begin the discussion by saying, "It hurts me when you do not contact me for several days in a row. I don't understand why we can't talk on the phone for 10 minutes on the days that we don't see each other." This gives your boyfriend the opportunity to share his side of things.

Making the Break

Not all relationships are meant to last. If you think that you are being verbally, sexually or physically abused, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for immediate help and support (see Resources). If your partner is not abusive, you may still feel it is time to end the relationship. Deliver the news in person. Avoid blaming your boyfriend, according to the Two of Us.org article, "Breaking Up with Kindness and Respect." You might say, "I no longer feel that we are compatible, and I think it is best if we no longer see each other."

About the Author

Candice Coleman worked in the public school system as a middle school and high school substitute teacher. In addition to teaching, she is also a tutor for high school and college students.

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