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What Should I Do if I Don't Like My Husband's Friend?

by April Sanders, studioD

When you married your husband, you gained a whole new family. You probably also gained a group of friends -- including some friends you might not necessarily like. In most cases, that's OK -- they are your husband's friends, not yours. Although it's good for the relationship if a couple has couple friends, it's also important for the husband and wife to have their own friends, according to University of Maryland professor and author Geoffrey Greif, who was interviewed for a Psychology Today article.

Keep Quiet, Within Reason

Try to keep your opinions of your husband's friend to yourself. If you think your husband's friend is sloppy, annoying or even rude, you don't need to necessarily voice those opinions: Your husband will likely just defend his friend and he obviously sees some good in his friend that you do not. You may just have clashing personalities, and that's okay. However, if the friend is doing something dangerous or against the law, such as driving drunk or stealing, or if he is insulting you or your husband or doing other things that you know are wrong, don't hold your tongue. Instead, have an honest conversation and share your concerns with your husband, making sure to avoid an accusatory tone, as that can shut the conversation down before it starts.

Keep Away

If you can't hide your distaste, stay away from your husband's friend. If they invite you on an outing, refuse politely. Chances are, you won't have a good time anyway, and your husband will appreciate the guy time. The less time you have to spend with a person you dislike, the better. Along the same lines, when he's out with his friend, refrain from texting or calling him constantly, and don't grill him about his night out when he gets home. This will only irritate both him and his friend.

Keep Your Promises

Unless there are serious safety concerns, don't try to keep your husband away from his friend. Give him space. If you promise to give him a weekend with his friend, don't make up excuses at the last minute to keep them apart. The more you interfere with the relationship, the more likely your husband will dig in and refuse to let go of his buddy. Instead, use the time to connect with your own friends. After all, your husband might not like one of your friends, either, so this is an ideal time to be tolerant of each other as you spend time with your respective friends.

Keep An Open Mind

First impressions are not always the correct ones. Sometimes it takes time to get to know a person, and this may be the case when it comes to your husband's friend. Dr. David Hawkins, director of The Marriage Recovery Center, recommends asking your husband to share the good things about his friend, and maybe you'll come to see that he isn't the unlikable person you originally thought him to be. If you do find your opinions changing, try going on a short outing with the two of them and see how it goes. If you still don't like your husband's friend, at least you can tell your husband that you tried.

About the Author

April Sanders is a writer, teacher and the mother of three boys. Raised on an organic farm, she is an avid gardener and believes that good growth starts with a rich, supportive foundation -- a philosophy that serves her well in both gardening and teaching. Sanders has written for Nickelodeon, Warner Brothers, Smarted Balanced, PARCC and others.

Photo Credits

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