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How to Restore Trust in a Marriage

by eHow Contributor

Trust in a marriage tends to be a problem in majority of relationships. Rebuilding trust in a marriage can be a challenge. When you lose trust from someone, it's hard to get it back. It's hard to get trust to begin with. You can do it though. It all starts with yourself first. You will have to set the tone differently, to establish to your wife or husband that they can trust you. That you're dependable to their needs and understand them. You have to consider the entire picture. There's different kinds of trust. It's not about your spouse trusting your word, or what you do. It's not just about trusting someone's actions, but about trusting them emotionally. Willing to commit to one another's deepest thoughts and feelings. Emotional trust is not an easy thing to gain. Emotional trust, means exposing every part of who you are to someone else. It's hard to get the back, especially when there has been damage. Damage that makes the person feel vulnerable or afraid to show that part to you again. Marriage problems will come down to lack of trust. That will almost always be the case, outside self indulged personal motivation within oneself. You got to put in the effort, but also need to use open eyes when doing so. Not everything is what it seems. Sometimes you're not giving your partner the things they need. If you can regain trust in a marriage, you'll help save your marriage. You'll get to a place where the both of you can be happy again.

Communicate more to your spouse. Communication is obviously key. This can be difficult when your spouse is not returning the favor. That doesn't mean you should follow in their footsteps, and play the mute game to them as well. A reason they might not be communicating, is because they're not trusting you. Remember, emotional trust is important. Don't feel offended because of this. It's not always a personal reason, but fear plays apart of not opening up as well. Don't force them to communicate, or make it an issue. That will just create more friction in the relationship. That won't allow them to open up. They'll show you the sides they think you want to see. Best thing to do this continue to make the effort to communicate yourself in the relationship. Try not to add more pressure or stress as well. Lack of communication, can be because a lot of stress in the person's life as well. Sometimes they don't have a lot to say, because their mind is cluttered. Don't force them to communicate, but communicate more on your end.

Take the time to understand your spouse. It's always good to look at things in their perspective. You got to be able to take responsibility of your own actions. Have you been too pushy? Have you been too critical of them? Have you told lies, or have done actions to abandon their trust in you? It's easy when hurting, to just consider how you're feeling. It's only human nature to do that. However, you can't underestimate how they might be feeling as well. Make the effort to correct your own actions. Maybe you don't really trust them anymore as well. Your actions can help dictate their feelings in the relationship as well. Sometimes it's hard to give trust to someone, when you don't trust them. People are careful individuals. They have the habit of protecting themselves. It's not always because they're self indulgent, sometimes fear allows that to be their first reaction. Fear can be something that allows people to make the mistakes they do in life. So they need a sense of security for them to trust. If they learn to trust you, you'll usually find that their actions are much more uplifting and positive in the relationship.

Be open with honesty in the relationship. You have to be honest and open up to them in the relationship. You can't gain trust on lies. You can't gain trust by not opening up to your partner. You got to express yourself more to them and show them you're willing to trust them first. That you are willing to believe in them. Honesty is everything in a marriage. It is important that you remain honest, or confess up to any lies you've told. Honesty will always help gain trust in relationships. Your partner needs to see that. Don't lie, even if you think it will make things worse. That is not how you build trust. It tells someone you're willing to do whatever to protect yourself from the things you fear. That is not how an honest relationship works.

Learn to listen to your spouse and be a gentle listener. Be one to listen to them. Not just what they say, but pick up on how they feel. Notice their body language when something is wrong. Noticing someone's feelings, or thoughts is important. You can't shut them out, or act as if you don't have time for them. Living a life taking care of kids, or a job sometimes makes that difficult. You got to put in the time to be there for your spouse. Be someone that listens to them, and understanding of the things they're going through. Listen to what they're feeling, and always respect that. Relate to it, or show that you understand. Respect what they want, and give them space when it's needed. Sometimes to earn trust, means to not always smother them as well. Let them come to you, don't force yourself on them during every crisis. Just show that you're there no matter what.

Show more support in the marriage. Don't be so critical of them. This is the worst mistake to make. When you're constantly being critical, or putting your spouse down. That doesn't generate much confidence for them. You can't honestly expect them to open up, and trust you when you behave in those kind of manners. I realize you might have disagreements, but don't put them down. Show real respect for them. Also, don't try to change them into something that they're not. A lot of couples are guilty of doing this. They want their wife or husband to change. They can't change, this is who they are! When you married them, you were accepting that. Changing harmful actions is one thing. You can't change who they are, though. Gaining trust from someone means accepting them, and not thinking the worst in them. To gain trust, you need to show loyalty, confidence, respect, and understanding who they are as a person.

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