When you first met your mate, you likely felt sparks just by looking her way, hearing him walk toward you or picking up the telephone. Once you have been involved for a while, some of the initial thrill is bound to wear off. As you get to know one another better, companionship becomes a major part of the relationship, but that does not mean that passion must go by the wayside. Figure out what makes you and your love tick so you can reiginite the sparks.
Write down the things that made your relationship sexy in the beginning. Do this with your mate so that the list pertains to both of you. Perhaps you spent time picking out a hot new dress, coordinating shoes and trying out the latest makeup trend. Maybe you made a point of opening doors for her, wearing cologne and taking her out to exotic restaurants, movies and performances. You might have enjoyed relaxing in front of the fireplace together, whispering sweet nothings, buying each other gifts just because you felt like it or surprising each other with love notes. Whatever excited you both when your relationship was new belongs on this list.
Reintroduce your favorite romantic gestures into your relationship. It is common for couples to stop trying to impress one another as courtship evolves into long-term commitment. To counteract this tendency, be intentional about doing things to ignite the passion. Take the time to go buy a new outfit, wash the car before a date, hire a babysitter so that you can go to the gallery crawl or make a plan to see a movie on Friday night. Make romance a priority and work on it just like you did when your relationship was new.
Be adventurous and explore uncharted territory. One thing that makes new relationships so thrilling is that everything is new and different about the other person, your interactions together and the dreams you have for your future. Communicate with your mate regularly so that you continue to learn about her, her thoughts, her likes and her dislikes. Incorporate new ways of relating to one another in the bedroom: buy new lingerie or try a new toy or a different position. Go to new places and plan for the future so that you have something to look forward to. Save money for a beach vacation, a weekend at a cabin in the mountains or an overnight at a fancy hotel.
Fantasize about your lover and the things about him that make you feel hot. Imagine spending time together on an upcoming vacation, on your date this weekend or when he comes home from work. Use alone time to focus on the things you appreciate about your lover, and then share your thoughts with him later. The mind is a powerful erogenous zone: simply thinking differently can breathe new life into a relationship that needs some TLC.
- Intimacies: Love and Sex Across Cultures; William R. Jankowiak, editor
- American Journal of Sociology: Dimensions of Marriage Happiness
- Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality: Correlates of Sexual Satisfaction in Marriage
- Journal of Social and Personal Relationships: Satisfaction with Sexual Communication in Marriage: Links to Sexual Satisfaction and Dyadic Adjustment
- Mike Powell/Photodisc/Getty Images