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How to Remedy a Boring Marriage

by Shannon Philpott

When you and your spouse said your vows, you probably envisioned a journey of nonstop excitement and passion. Over time, though, some partnerships can go through a lull where the marriage seems lifeless and even boring. However, all love is not lost. It is possible to reignite the passion and excitement within your marriage by making time for each other, taking an interest in each other’s hobbies and incorporating surprises into your daily routine.

Surprise Your Spouse

As newlyweds, it’s likely you two could not keep your hands off each other. You experienced butterflies when you saw each other and made it a priority to show affection. If your marriage seems boring now, revive the excitement by surprising your mate with some public displays of affection. Also, plan romantic dinners, make a homemade Valentine or leave love notes in his lunch bag to bring back the passion, suggests family therapist Maud Purcell in the PsychCentral.com article “Reviving Your Marriage.” If you make the effort to plant kisses on his neck or wrap your arms around the love of your life when she least expects it, it’s likely your spouse will take note and do the same.

Relaunch Date Nights

The hustle and bustle of family life, household responsibilities and the demands of a career can weigh heavily on your marriage. Remember when you promised to make date nights a regular event? Keep your promise to spruce up your marriage. Leave the laundry in the basket, hire a baby sitter and take your spouse to dinner and a movie. Purcell recommends scheduling regular date nights to re-establish a connection with each other. Even a 30-minute walk together in the evening gives you both a moment to hold hands, share more about yourselves and focus on the relationship.

Overlook Negative Attributes

When you walked down the aisle and said your vows, the fact that your husband leaves towels on the floor probably didn’t cross your mind. Everyone has irritating habits, but if you continue to focus on the negative attributes versus the positive, it can seriously strain your marriage and leave you feeling bored or annoyed with the relationship. Instead, accept what you can’t change about your spouse. When you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, it will be easier to spot the exciting traits of your loved one.

Work on Yourself

If you are bored with your marriage, look within yourself to see if your confidence or self-esteem is lagging. Take good care of yourself to improve your confidence and sense of adventure. Get plenty of rest, eat healthy foods, incorporate exercise into your routine and spruce up your appearance. Explore new interests and hobbies, too, and share these experiences with your spouse. If the two of you engage in activities and share interests, the boring vibe will quickly disappear.

Converse Often

Too many times, married couples communicate less and less as their anniversaries add up. In the PsychCentral.com article "Marriage Communication: Three Common Mistakes and How to Fix Them," family therapist Erika Krull suggests making the effort to shift your focus from "me" to "we" when conversing. Spark up a conversation every chance you get with your spouse and inquire about hobbies and interests. According to Krull, generous and considerate behaviors and interactions can nurture your marriage. Ask your spouse to sit and chat for at least 10 minutes each day and keep the topics light, straying from stressors such as work, family obligations and household chores.

About the Author

Shannon Philpott has been a writer since 1999. She has experience as a newspaper reporter, magazine writer and online copywriter. Philpott has published articles in St. Louis metro newspapers, "Woman's World" magazine, "CollegeBound Teen" magazine and on e-commerce websites, and also teaches college journalism and English. She holds a Master of Arts in English from Southern Illinois University.

Photo Credits

  • Nick White/Digital Vision/Getty Images