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Why Relationships Go Cold & How to Make Them Warm & Cozy Again

by Mitch Reid, studioD

Whether you’re dating or married, a little fluctuation in relationship satisfaction occurs for many couples. For example, an argument might leave you giving the cold shoulder to each other, but a later apology returns the warmth to your relationship. Concerns should arise when you both constantly seem indifferent to each other, or you give up on the affectionate rituals you once tenderly shared. If you ignore these signs, you might find your relationship coming to a screeching halt. Instead, learn the common causes and solutions to lack of warmth between lovers.

Common Problems

In her Psychology Today article, "Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship," clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone outlines several common reasons behind fading romance. For example, a lack of boundaries or reduced boundaries can cause lovers to become codependent and to lose sight of the traits that sparked the initial attraction. On the other hand, couples who forget to spend time together or fail to have playful or meaningful conversations might drift apart. In addition, neglecting your physical appearance and forgetting healthy habits can lead to lack of attraction. Firestone also cites long-term resentment as an underlying cause for lack of attraction.

Improve Communication

Practicing your communication skills -- particularly your listening skills -- can help you rekindle your romance, suggests Maud Purcell, a licensed clinical social worker, in her PsychCentral article, "Reviving Your Marriage." For example, if you feel you or your partner spend too much time together, suggest a night away with friends. If your partner has a different solution, listen attentively and negotiate a plan that works for both of you.

Return to Romance

Practice romantic gestures, such as leaving love notes or other surprises around the house, suggests Purcell. If you're low on ideas, think back to the beginning of your relationship and recycle some of your old romantic strategies. This will allow you both to bond over nostalgic moments and reflect on how far you've come together. You could even try to recreate that first date and some of the dates you both remember most fondly, because these are the most likely moments to still spark loving feelings.

Aim for Self-Improvement

Avoid complacence, especially when it comes to appearance and skills, suggests Purcell. For example, even though you've attracted the love of your life, remember the importance of staying in shape. Be someone your partner can be proud to show off and brag about. You should both be willing to accept each other's imperfections and quirks, however.

Seek Couples Counseling

If you and your partner can't seem to rekindle the romance alone, turn to couples counseling. This type of therapy offers numerous potential benefits, such as adjusting your perspective on the relationship, improving communication and reducing emotional avoidance, says Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a professor of psychology, in her Psychology Today article, "Five Principles of Effective Couples Therapy."

About the Author

Mitch Reid has been a writer since 2006. He holds a fine arts degree in creative writing, but has a persistent interest in social psychology. He loves train travel, writing fiction, and leaping out of planes. His written work has appeared on sites such as Synonym.com and GlobalPost, and he has served as an editor for ebook publisher Crescent Moon Press, as well as academic literary journals.

Photo Credits

  • Stewart Cohen/Digital Vision/Getty Images