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Rejecting a Guy Who Comes on Too Strong

by Kathryn Rateliff Barr

You just met your date, and already he is planning your life for you, bragging about his sexual prowess or touching you repeatedly. Someone who comes on too strong can drive a new dating partner to run as far and fast as possible. Knowing how to reject the guy can send him on his way when he’s just too much.

Back Away

Put some physical space between you and your date, such as sitting across the table from him or stepping backwards out of his grasp on the dance floor. Let him know that he is crowding you, perhaps physically and emotionally. Step away to the ladies’ room and choose a different seat with more space between you two when you return or join another table to put bodies between you and the pesky guy. Allow friends to surround you and discourage his attention.

The Honest Approach

Many women feel uncomfortable being bluntly honest, but it is a good option, according to clinical psychologist Gerry Heisler in his article "Are You Erecting Love Barriers Part Two: Coming On Too Strong" for “Psychology Today.” Ask him not to sit so close, touch you in ways you find inappropriate or act possessively. Remind him that you need time to get to know him. Or you can tell him that you are feeling overwhelmed by his attention, and it makes you want to never see him again.

Accept Help

If honesty doesn’t work, you might enlist help. When you get ready to leave, ask a friend to walk you to your car or watch to see that you make it safely out an exit when someone distracts the guy who has been coming on too strong. If you are at a bar, the bouncer or bartender might lend a hand by telling him to back off and quit bugging you. Other patrons might offer assistance by including you in their group or telling him that you left so you aren’t a lone target of his attention.

White Lies and Other Distractions

Resort to white lies when the truth doesn’t help, according to Pretty Young Professional, a career resource for young professional women, in the “Forbes” article "How to Cut Out the Unwanted Come-Ons." Tell a guy who is coming on strong that you have a husband or fiance who will not appreciate the attention he is giving you or that you need to leave and meet a friend across town. Alert a friend that you need an excuse to leave and have her call you in a few minutes, asking you to come get her or telling you your child is sick at home. Make your exit and don’t respond to his texts, calls or emails.

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

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