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Reconciling a Relationship

by Stacey Elkins, studioD

Your relationship with your significant other ended and you’re wondering if it was a mistake. It’s possible for ex-partners to reconcile, says TwoOfUs.org, with the effort of both people. However, careful consideration should be made by both parties before deciding to give the relationship a second shot.

Think About It

Consider your reasons for wanting to reunite. Make sure it’s not because you are lonely, bored or worried that you won’t find someone else. Returning to a relationship with insecurities will only make your previous problems worse, says Dr. Pam Spurr, a psychologist, cited on MSN's Health & Wellbeing website. Think about why the relationship has ended and if the issues can be resolved. Relationships generally end because the couple is not compatible or lack the commitment to resolve issues, according to TwoOfUs.org. Make sure that your ex wants to reconcile. Both of you need to be committed to resolving your issues with considerable effort.

Talk Honestly

Discuss the reasons why you broke up. Doing so will bring you closer together and help determine if getting back together might work. If there was an issue of incompatibility, it most likely won’t work the second time around. Or maybe there was a lack of communication that resulted in the end of your relationship. Determine if the reason for the demise of your relationship can be compromised, changed or tolerated. If you decide to reunite, discuss the past and make peace with it. You both need to take responsibility for your part in the break up. Once you have discussed the past, move on and don’t bring it up in the future. Moving forward, figure out what you both want out of the renewed relationship.

Take It Slow

It’s best to take your relationship slow and date, rather than jumping right back into where you left off, Spurr says. For example, if you used to live together, don't move back in right away. Treat the relationship like you would a new one. Give your relationship time to develop. If a significant amount of time has lapsed since you were together, you both probably have changed. You will need to spend time getting to know each other again.


You are going to have to put a lot of time and effort into recreating your relationship. Don’t think it will just fall back into place. You both have to want your relationship to work. Committing to each other means that you both will have to work hard to have a healthy relationship. Roya R. Rad, a Professor of Psychology at ECPI University, says in a "Huffington Post" article that commitment makes a person more resilient to the bad times and frustrations experienced in a relationship. For a healthy commitment, there needs to be honesty, communication and determination. If an issue comes up, discuss it and figure out how to resolve it. Doing so will increase your chances of having a successful, healthy relationship.

About the Author

Stacey Elkins is a writer based in Chicago. She earned a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Southern Illinois University in Carbondale and a Masters in social work from the University of Illinois in Chicago, where she specialized in mental health.

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