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Reasons Men Lose Interest Early in Dating

by Christie Hartman, studioD

So you met a great guy, went out with him a few times, and things seemed to be going really well. Then, out of nowhere, he began acting strangely, ended things or just disappeared altogether. In other words, he lost interest. While it’s difficult to know exactly why a man loses interest during the early stages of dating, here are the most common reasons this happens.

He’s Not Looking for a Relationship

Every man has different reasons for dating. Some are looking for a serious relationship, but others may only want casual sex or to date without thinking about the future. If he takes you out a couple of times and senses that you want something he’s not ready for (for example, a relationship or even marriage and kids), he will usually move on. Likewise, if he disappeared after you had sex with him, he probably wanted nothing more than sex.

You Chased Him

If you really like him and know he likes you, it’s easy to get carried away and start chasing him. For example, instead of letting him call you when he’s ready or set up the next date, you initiate all the phone calls, send him texts and offer suggestions for future dates. Such gestures can overwhelm a guy and make him wonder if you’re too needy, both of which will cause his interest to wane. They can also ruin the thrill of the pursuit that many men enjoy.

You Moved Too Fast

When two people hit it off right from the get-go, it’s tempting to move too fast. You can move too fast physically by having sex right away, but you can also move too fast emotionally by spending too much time together or sharing too much deep, personal information about each other. The early dating stages are a tenuous time when you slowly build closeness and trust. Too much physical or emotional intimacy too soon can thwart this building process and scare a man away.

You’re Not for Him

The purpose of dating is to find someone who’s a good match for you. It often takes at least three dates before you know if someone is a good enough match to have boyfriend or girlfriend potential. As such, even if you do everything “right,” a guy may lose interest after a few dates simply because you aren’t what he’s looking for. While it’s easy to take this personally, you aren’t right for every guy, just as every guy isn’t right for you.

About the Author

Christie Hartman is a psychologist and author of five dating and relationship books. She has written for several online publications and has been published in numerous scientific journals in the areas of mental health and addiction. Christie earned her master’s and doctoral degrees from the University of Colorado.

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