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What Do I Do When I Realize My Long-Term Boyfriend Is Not Going to Propose?

by Candice Coleman

Falling in love can leave you dreaming about the future, even picking names for your future children. As time goes on, however, those dreams may grow faint if it appears a proposal is not in the works. While you and your boyfriend may not agree about your relationship's future, you have several options when you learn that he is unlikely to propose.

Discussions

Your boyfriend may postpone a proposal if he is struggling to keep a stable job or if there are severe, ongoing problems in your relationship. Discussing the situation at a calm time when you are alone with your boyfriend can reap many benefits. You may want to ask if he sees himself getting married and when, or what roadblocks may be keeping him away from marriage, according to Jen Kim, writing for Psychology Today. You may learn that though you have dated for several years, he still intends to propose to you.

Breaking Up

While some couples may live in a long-term partnership without a marriage, this arrangement may be unacceptable to others. Recognizing that you and your boyfriend have different long-term goals may make a break-up necessary. Building a support system of family members and friends who can help you rebuild your life may be useful. Getting involved in old hobbies or volunteering in the community may also be a rewarding way to handle a breakup, according to the Center for Young Women's Health.

Acceptance

After talking with your boyfriend, you may learn that he does not intend to propose marriage. Now is the time to evaluate if you would be happy in a committed relationship outside of marriage. You may have concerns about how your social circle will view and treat your relationship if you choose to have a relationship outside of marriage. You may also worry about legal issues, like the division of assets in the event of a breakup.

Getting Help

If it appears that your boyfriend does not intend to get married, or if he tells you so, you may find yourself struggling with what to do next. A therapist or relationship counselor can help you work through complex emotions as you decide whether to continue in your relationship as it is or move on. No matter how your boyfriend feels about a proposal, evaluate your own feelings on the subject. If he does not want to get married, you may not be able to change his mind.

About the Author

Candice Coleman worked in the public school system as a middle school and high school substitute teacher. In addition to teaching, she is also a tutor for high school and college students.

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