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Questions to Ask Before Ending a Relationship

by Grace Calderon

When you put time and effort into a relationship, it is difficult to imagine that it won't last. But as the fights increase or the desire for intimacy dwindles, you find yourself asking whether it is time to call it quits. Although it may be difficult, eventually you may have to consider asking questions that will help you determine whether it is time to end your relationship.

Life Without

Does he or she have a permanent place in your life? Or can you imagine life without this person? Wait one week before saying “It’s over,” advises Rita Watson, associate fellow at Yale's Ezra Stiles College and author of "35 Questions and Thoughts Before You Say, 'It's Over'" on Psychology Today's website. During the week, ponder your misgivings about the relationship. If you start to fantasize about life without your partner, it may be time to move on.

Your Role

What was your role in the relationship's demise? Write down all the things that are wrong or slow down the communication, recommends Molly Barrow, a clinical psychologist and author, quoted in the Huffington Post article, "When to End a Relationship: Signs You Should Break Up." This gives you an opportunity to understand what may be at the heart of your feelings. It may not change the way you feel, but it gives you a chance to be honest with yourself.

Shared Beliefs

Do you have shared beliefs? Beyond the things you like to do for fun, a common understanding about family and work is at the basis of building a lasting life together. It isn't a problem to have different hobbies or interests. But it could signal trouble if your significant other has developed different values or belief systems, according to Stephanie Sarkis, mental health counselor, in the article, "7 Signs You're Headed for a Breakup" in Psychology Today.

A Fix

Can you fix the relationship? Before throwing in the towel, determine whether you can save the relationship. Note two joyous times you shared as a couple. Ask whether you can find that place of happiness again, Watson suggests. It may not be easy to do this, but if you can, then give it another shot. Otherwise, it may be time to part ways.

About the Author

Grace Calderon, a writer and communications professional, holds a master's degree in sociology. She currently focuses on relationships and celebrities and has conducted TV and radio interviews on these topics. Her work has also appeared in outlets such as YourTango and Starpulse.

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