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How to Be Proactive in My Marriage

by Anne Kinsey

Marriage is exciting in the honeymoon phase, when love is new, sparks fly and you feel butterflies with each glance at your new love. Dreams for your future are vivid and anything seems possible as long as you are together. Protect your future and maintain the passion in your relationship by being proactive in your marriage. Routinely express your love, communicate and surround yourselves with good, supportive people. Actively do things today that enrich your relationship tomorrow and nurture the dreams you have for your future together.

Communicate with your spouse on a regular basis. Set aside time each day to talk without interruption. If you have children, choose a time when they are in bed or away from the house. Talk openly, calmly and respectfully about what is going on in your lives and your feelings about any current joys or concerns. Include dialogue about finances and your sex life, two areas that many married couples struggle with. Cuddle together as you talk, pray if you are religious, hold hands and maintain eye contact so that you both connect genuinely and deeply throughout your conversation.

Nurture the spark in your marriage by dating each other with as much excitement and effort as you did when your relationship was new. Plan fancy dinners, candlelit evenings at home, romantic nights in hotels, hiking excursions or anything else the two of you find romantic. Include sweet gestures like love letters, flowers, fancy chocolates and occasional small gifts, just to show that you care and are thinking about your spouse.

Seek relationships with other couples who strive to maintain healthy marriages. You will be able to support one another and offer encouragement when you hit rough spots in your marriage. All relationships take work and it helps to have positive, encouraging and honest couples in your life who support you as you work through challenges, without bad-mouthing your spouse or feeding into drama.

Address challenges as they arise and stick with your conflict resolution efforts until you and your spouse come to an understanding, even if you do not always agree. Resolve to communicate respectfully and listen attentively. Ask for help from a therapist, pastor or other trained professional if you come across an obstacle that you cannot solve alone. Catch problems early to get to the other side of them quickly, with your perspective, sanity and love in tact.

About the Author

Anne Kinsey has been a writer for 10 years, with her writing published in print newsletters, as well as websites including eHow and LIVESTRONG. She is also a minister and violinist holding a B.A. in religion and African American studies, and a M.Div. in pastoral counseling.

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