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What to Do if Your Older Sister Does Everything Better Than You

by Kristen Moutria

If you think your older sister does everything better than you, you may wonder why she is so much more talented, gifted or fortunate. Perhaps you think that other people notice your sister's success, or that you are constantly living in her shadow. While feelings of insecurity may dominate your life presently, you do not always have to live with a sense of being inferior. In fact, you have the opportunity to develop more self-confidence than you ever thought you could have, and even build a better relationship with your sister.

Have a Reality Check

The first thing you need to do is make sure you are perceiving reality the way it actually is. Is your sister truly better than you in every way, and, if so, what makes her that way? Could there be another reason for your perception of her superiority, such as low self-confidence or even too much time on your hands? Making the effort to be more objective about your sister's abilities will help you give yourself a break while learning to perceive reality more accurately.

Work on Your Self-Esteem

Work on your self-esteem so that you can get over your sister and focus on yourself. Low self-esteem will affect every area of your life, including your health and your relationships, according to the Mayo Clinic. If you are constantly paying attention to your imperfect body, for example, you may be sensitive about what you consider to be your sister's better shape. To combat this, try writing about what you love about your own body. When you focus on building up the parts of yourself that you feel the least confident about, you will learn to appreciate and embrace who you are.

Stop Making Comparisons

In order to free yourself from feeling inferior, stop comparing yourself to your sister. Our society is full of comparison junkies, according to Judith Orloff, author of "Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life." You have been compared to others since childhood, and it is only natural to compare yourself to a family member. Instead, be the best version of yourself you can be. You do not have the power to become someone else, and by making comparisons you put unrealistic expectations on yourself.

Communicate Positively With Your Sister

Take the time and effort to have a positive talk with your sister, and make encouraging comments. If you spend time with her while being uplifting, you will prove to yourself that there is no reason to feel that she is better than you. You should wish the person you rival well, suggests Orloff. By changing your negative emotions into positive ones, you will force yourself to stop dwelling on negative thoughts, and instead, dwell on what inspires you.

About the Author

Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.

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