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What Are the Most Obvious Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Trying to Dump You?

by Nina Edwards

If you know that your relationship is moving in the wrong direction, you have a better chance of saving it. Often, obvious signs abound; however, the longer your relationship, the more likely that it will deteriorate slowly -- and a slow decline is more difficult to identify. If you know the signs, you have a chance at pinpointing the problems so that you can address them.

Talk to Me

Communication is the key to a relationship, so when your boyfriend wants to dump you, often, it is the communication between you that is the first thing to go Are you talking about your personal goals and ambitions? Is he continuing to make plans with you? If not, then your relationship is heading in the wrong direction. If he is no longer talking about personal issues, it is often the first sign that your boyfriend wants to break up with you, according to the article, “Signs That the Two of You Could Soon Be Breaking Up,” by Elly Prior on Professional Counselling. Similarly, it is a sign of an impending breakup, if you two are constantly disagreeing on important issues. The biggest sign, however, is arguing more and more with your boyfriend, especially if it involves contempt, says John Gottman and Robert Levenson in, “The Timing of Divorce: Predicting When a Couple Will Divorce Over a Fourteen Year Period.” It is worse than not talking to you, because it means that your relationship has become downright toxic.

Armor, Anyone?

As the relationship deteriorates and you two argue more, he may perceive that you are accusing him of everything under the sun. If so, then it is likely that he will be defensive. Defensiveness is a natural response to constant accusations or criticisms, however real or perceived they may be. It is not a problem if he is defensive every once in a while, but when he is defensive on an ongoing basis, he is probably thinking about dumping you.

Giving Up

When it is all but over, even contempt may seem like too much of an effort. Gottman and Levenson in the “Journal of Marriage and Family” identified stonewalling as one of the final stages before the end of a relationship. At this point, your boyfriend has checked out. He doesn’t listen to you. He is always busy. In some cases, he may even be listening; but instead of acknowledging you, he just shrugs his shoulders or rolls his eyes. In his opinion, even arguing takes too much effort.

Don’t Wait Up for Me

Probably not long before the dreaded breakup conversation, he will start leading a separate life. The first step in creating the separate life is when you are not as physically intimate. You may give him your usual hints, but he either pretends that he doesn’t notice or he just says outright that he is not interested. This is often followed by not seeing him for longer periods of time than usual. You may suspect that there is someone else. If this type of behavior is ongoing, then there probably is. f you want to keep your relationship, know the signs and intervene as early as possible.

About the Author

Nina Edwards holds a doctorate in clinical psychology and has been writing about families and relationships since 2000. She has numerous publications in scholarly journals and often writes for relationship websites as well. Edwards is a university lecturer and practicing psychologist in New York City.

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