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New Relationships After Divorces and Remarriages

by Christa Orion, studioD

The moment that you realize you are ready to love again after a divorce can be life changing. Are you ready? The unpredictable path to reconstructing oneself after a divorce can have lasting emotional effects on the brain. It is completely natural to feel confused about your own desires and have doubts about whether or not you are ready to move on. Confidence may be returned for one person quickly while another may hang on to feelings of resentment for a much longer time. For some, feelings of desperation and the need for compassion will encompass the mind as if it were the only thing that existed. Is it time? It is vital to understand the difference between the different levels of readiness when pursuing a new relationship.

Give Yourself Time to Mend

Getting over it

Life events that cause trauma or stress can have detrimental effects on the psyche, even if it they are not apparent. Stressors can cloud perception, cognition, and even physical movement. Dr. Julie Gurner states that the first step to moving on is allowing yourself time to grieve. It is worth the time to take initiative towards healing the heart before making another commitment. Consider the things that were impossible to do during the marriage. This is the perfect time to get out and see the things that marriage has kept under wraps. Do the things you have always wanted to do. Indulge in the experience of new things and rediscover the individual that has been masked by marriage for so long.

Out with the Old

Feeling free again

When the time has come, a new relationship can add that spice back into life. Euphoria fills the air and excitement is sparking up feelings that were once lost. Try not to get started on the wrong foot by allowing old routines to sneak up and take charge of a great new opportunity. Leave the past in the past. Lessons learned during a divorce should be a breeding ground for willingness to work harder towards success in a second marriage. At this point there is no excuse for the naïve ideas of a fairy tale relationship. Marriages take hard work and commitment and leave no room for presumed perfection. After all, starting a new relationship or marriage with an expectation of perfection may set you up for disaster.

New Beginnings

Letting yourself love again

A new relationship is a new opportunity to grow emotionally. It is time to learn the ins and outs of another person and enter a whole new routine. If you have properly let go of the lifestyle you had in your previous marriage, you should be able to transition into a new one with ease. Remember that marriage is a team effort and each member should work hard to accept each other's flaws and desires. Entering into a new relationship with the mindset of success will provide the power to maintain a strong bond, regardless of the circumstances.

Move On

Finding happiness

Chances are, if you find yourself saying, "I am ready to find someone," you more than likely are. Everyone heals at their own pace. By nature, humans are wired to crave companionship. The strong effects of love are a hard force to ignore. When the urge hits to find that special someone, embrace it. Have faith in yourself and take the necessary time to get past the divorce. The important lesson of divorce is to learn from your mistakes. Use this knowledge to better yourself and your future relationships. Build a strong relationship with yourself and move forward with the utmost of confidence. Be true to the person you are, but still maintain that open-mindedness that is inviting and understanding. There is no perfect relationship, but there is perfect happiness and you have the power to attain it.

About the Author

Christa Orion is a psychologist in training with focus on family and relationship health. She has years of experience working with individuals going through domestic issues.

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