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What Motivates a Man to Never Marry

by Candice Coleman, studioD

Some people rush to the altar, while others shy away from it for as long as possible. Commitment-phobic mates can leave their marriage-minded partners feeling blindsided and confused about what to do next. Though there are several reasons that may motivate a man to never marry, only discussion can help you figure out your man's motivation.

Previous Loss

Maybe the man in your life was previously divorced or his previous spouse passed away -- and the thought of going through similar experiences again in the future has made him uncertain about marriage. A history of divorce or breakups in the family could also motivate a man to never marry, according to "Psychology Today" writer Jen Kim in her article "Why You Aren't Married Yet." If your boyfriend is motivated to avoid marriage for these reasons, talking to a marriage counselor may help him move past his fears.

"Perfect" Mates

Dreams of the perfect mate can also keep men and women from strolling down the altar. High expectations and a fixation on a partner's shortcomings may make the single life appear more attractive. Your boyfriend may also feel pressured by external influences to pursue a partner with particular traits. If these issues are motivating your boyfriend not to get married, an honest, calm conversation can help. Realizing that every partner will come with flaws, and deciding which flaws each of you can and cannot accept, may make marriage seem like a better option.

Life Circumstances

Marriage is a big change, and men may prefer sticking to the status quo because it is safe and familiar, according to Kim. In other cases, men may also avoid getting hitched because they value other achievements more or because they believe they must accomplish certain goals before getting married. Some men may postpone marriage indefinitely to focus on getting more education, getting a better job or earning a raise. Spend time talking about your partner's goals and how these mesh with a future marriage. Must all of these goals be completed before you get married?

Losing Freedom

The unmarried life may have downsides, but it also can mean the freedom to go wherever he wants or eventually pursue other romantic relationships -- without getting a divorce. If your boyfriend is concerned about being faithful to one partner after marriage or if he has goals that are incompatible with your vision of married life, like traveling frequently, it may be better to find a partner whose views are more compatible with yours.

About the Author

Candice Coleman worked in the public school system as a middle school and high school substitute teacher. In addition to teaching, she is also a tutor for high school and college students.

Photo Credits

  • Michael Blann/Digital Vision/Getty Images