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How to Get Your Mom & Grandma to Stop Fighting

by Emma Wells

People mature as they grow into adults, but psychologists from the University of Michigan have found that not only do parents and their grown children still fight, but the arguments can even get worse with age, according to the Telegraph. Grown daughters and their mothers are the most likely to disagree consistently, which is why it’s normal that your mom and grandma fight sometimes. Of course, it’s not pleasant for the rest of the family to be around when they’re fighting. You can help resolve the dispute by acting as a mediator.

Talk to your mom and grandma separately about it. Tell them why their fighting upsets you so much. Your mother and grandmother probably don’t want to upset you, but their fight may or may not concern you.

Ask your mom and grandma, separately, what the problem is and how they feel about it. You might be surprised to find that they want the same things, or that both of them highlight a different problem. This is useful information for mediation.

Invite your mom and your grandma to come together to mediate the conflict. Successful mediation often relies on a solution-oriented conversation in which both people feel heard, according to experts at the University of Colorado.

Act as a neutral party, sitting between your mom and grandma to mediate the dispute. Let them take turns speaking about the problem as they see it, how they each feel, and what kind of solution they want.

Affirm both your mom’s and your grandma’s feelings. Do not take sides. You can do this by rephrasing their words, beginning with “So what I hear you saying is ... .” This way, your mom and grandmother will both feel heard, and have a chance to correct any mistakes.

Help your mom and grandma to compromise on a solution by outlining the steps they will take to get there. They should each be contributing something. For example, if the fight is about how often your mom and grandmother see each other, set a schedule that makes both of them happy. Then follow up later to see how it’s working.

About the Author

Emma Wells has been writing professionally since 2004. She is also a writing instructor, editor and former elementary school teacher. She has a Master's degree in writing and a Bachelor of Arts in English and anthropology. Her creative work has been published in several small literary magazines.

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