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How to Get Married After 40

by Naomi Baldinger

Whether you're divorced or have never been married at all, finding love and getting married after 40 can be done with patience, perseverance and optimism. You're likely to have a strong sense of who you are and what you want in a partner, and you can draw from your past experiences to improve on them. These traits will help you in your quest to find a mate.

Write down five "non-negotiable" traits that you need in a spouse. One advantage of being 40 plus is that your past dating experience has taught you what works for you and what doesn't. Keep a list of these traits and compare potential dates against them. If you want to get married, but your date describes himself as a life-long bachelor, move on.

Open an account with an online dating service. It might be difficult to meet singles over 40 in bars, where the crowd tends to be younger, and at parties, where people tend to arrive in couples. Online dating gives you a clear picture of what singles are available in your area. Consider hiring a professional matchmaker who has experience matching people of all ages.

Look your best. Nobody expects you to look like a twenty-something, but keep your wardrobe current and polished. Also, exercise if you don't already. You'll look and feel more attractive and working out gives you an irresistible glow.

Prioritize your dating life. If you're a busy professional, don't cancel dates or ignore messages because you're busy at work. Marriage will require you to be attentive to your partner, so treat your dates the same way.

Communicate openly and frankly with the people you date. After nine months or so of dating, ask your partner if he envisions marriage in the future. If marriage is what you want, that's a reasonable expectation. End the relationship and continue your search if he says no. After 40, you don't want to waste time in a relationship that isn't going anywhere.

Adjust your expectations. The things that you looked for in a mate in your 20s - hot body, full head of hair, no kids, etc. - may not be realistic in your 40s and older. That's not to say that you shouldn't look for a partner you find attractive, but be practical.

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About the Author

Naomi Baldinger began writing professionally in 2007. Her areas of expertise include cooking, literature, film, Jewish culture, the nonprofit sector, education and translation. Her work has appeared in "Git Nu" and "The Journal of Jewish Identities" among other publications. Baldinger holds a Master of Arts in comparative literature from the University of California, Los Angeles.

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