You may not like your teen's boyfriend, but she's so excited to have one that she only looks at him through rose-colored glasses. Your teen wants to believe that she's chosen the perfect boyfriend, so she ignores his negative traits and has an excuse for everything he does wrong. No one is perfect, but if your teen's boyfriend gets in legal trouble or abuses her in any way, it's time to convince her to end her unhealthy relationship.
Write down a list of reasons why you think your teen is in a bad relationship. Plan to discuss each reason on the list with your teen.
Calm down and relax before having a discussion with your teen. Angrily confronting your teen about her boyfriend will not have the effect you want. It may upset her and cause her to rebel against your wishes.
Approach your teen when you both have plenty of time to discuss her relationship. Don't start the discussion before she leaves for school, for example.
Ask your teen what she finds appealing about her boyfriend. If the relationship is truly bad, she'll likely have trouble thinking of many good things to say. This may help her realize that the person she's dating isn't the best boyfriend material.
Question your teen about her boyfriend's abusive behavior. Ask if he ever hits or harms her in any way, either physically or emotionally. If she says that he does, tell her that good boyfriends never hurt their partner.
Ask if your teen's boyfriend ever forces her to quit a favorite activity, gets angry when she isn't available to see him or won't allow her to see her friends.TeensHealth from Nemours explains that these are the actions of a controlling boyfriend.
Tell your teen not to mistake controlling behavior or anger for signs of love. Your teen may rationalize that her boyfriend's behavior means that he cares for her. Help her understand that his actions are actually very unhealthy.
Avoid demanding that your teen break up with her boyfriend unless she's in an abusive relationship. According to psychologist Michael J. Bradley, interviewed in an article for Family.com, forcing your teen to break up with the boy will only make her angry and may damage your relationship with her.
- Just because you don't like the boy your teen is dating doesn't necessarily mean that she's in a bad relationship. Consider getting to know the boy before judging him as a bad fit for your teen.
- Your teen may date boys you don't like because she feels like rebelling against you. For example, if you're a devout churchgoer, she might date an atheist or someone of a different faith. Don't let your teen push your buttons with this type of behavior.
- Avoid shouting and name calling when discussing your teen's relationship with her.
- Do not make your teen feel like she must choose between her boyfriend and her family. According to a Family Education article by Carleton Kendrick, Ed. M., this will only drive her and your family further apart.
- Jupiterimages/Pixland/Getty Images