our everyday life

How to Love Your Wife After You Have an Affair

by Colby Phillips

The aftermath of an affair can be a painful and difficult time for a married couple. Trust is absent, and affection and attraction are at their lowest ebb. If you are trying to reconcile with your wife after being unfaithful, take the following tips into account.

End all contact with your former lover, including meetings, phone conversations, emails and text messages. Also end your relationships with her circle of friends and family to as great an extent as possible, so that you are no longer part of her life. This may require changing jobs or even moving (with your wife, of course) to a new city. Be prepared to deal with the grief of this loss so that you can accept the reality that you will never see or have any contact with this person again.

Address the root causes of the affair. Your act of betrayal was a conscious choice, and it was also a symptom of a breakdown of your marriage. The contributing factors to that breakdown must be addressed in order to repair the relationship. Some of these may include lack of communication, sexual problems, stress, anxiety, illness or a lifestyle that prevents you from spending enough time together.

Follow a mutually agreed-upon plan to rebuild trust and intimacy. During this "probationary period," accept a greater degree of accountability for your actions than you have in the past. This may include being transparent about your time, travels and communications. It will be up to you and your wife to negotiate the limits of this accountability, using tolerance as a guiding principle rather than ultimatums.

About the Author

Colby Phillips' writing interests include culture and politics. Phillips received a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Oregon and a Master of Arts in philosophy from Boston College.

Photo Credits

  • Jupiterimages/liquidlibrary/Getty Images