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How to Let Go of a Forbidden Crush

by April Sanders

There's a reason your crush is called "forbidden," and although your brain knows the reason, your heart might not have accepted it. We tend to want what we can't have -- knowing that it is forbidden makes it all the more tempting, according to Pauline Wallin, a psychologist and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior." Still, most of us know that the right thing to do is to let go. Help your heart heal by taking steps to let go of your forbidden crush and move on to a healthier relationship.

Focus on the negative. You are so accustomed to fantasizing about all the things you like about this person that you have overlooked his problems. Make a list of your crush's bad traits. How would being with him hurt those you love? Write it all down -- seeing it on paper makes it more real.

Create some distance. If you have been stalking your crush on social media sites, stop doing it. Block your crush from sending you messages. Instead of stopping by his or her office every morning to say hi, go out of your way to avoid that area of the workplace. Do everything you can to limit interaction.

Blame your brain. The rush that comes with imagining yourself with a forbidden lover is a matter of chemistry, according to Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University and the author of "Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love." Knowing that it is not "fate" or anything quite so romantic can go a long way toward leaving those feelings behind.

Get help. Surround yourself with friends who will support your efforts to move on. Find one or two good friends who are not close to the crush and who can keep you accountable.

Remind yourself that infatuation isn't love. True love is never forbidden. Don't let yourself call it love. Call it lust, call it desire, but don't call it love -- because true love is unselfish, and a love that is forbidden can never be selfless.

Replace the forbidden fruit with fruit of a different kind. If you can occupy your mind and body with a new hobby or even a challenging college course, you are less likely to have time to dwell on a lost love. In the process, you might just meet a new crush -- one who is not forbidden.

About the Author

I can write in a wide variety of styles, from academic to humorous (see links to my blog above).

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