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How to Keep Peace with Your Spouse

by Kristen Moutria, studioD

Your marriage is likely the most challenging relationship in your life, but also the most rewarding. If you are like most people, you and your spouse have had your share of ups and downs. You may even have considered divorce in the past. Despite these challenges, you can bring back the intimacy you once had and rekindle your relationship.

Understand Your Partner's Love Language

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, we each have a primary "love language" that helps us feel loved. We may thrive on words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time or physical touch. Chapman believes that thoroughly understanding and acting on your partner's primary love language will help you have the best relationship possible. Learn what exactly makes your partner feel closest to you, and practice it often as a way to keep the peace in your relationship.

Apologize Effectively

You may have done a few things to hurt your partner unintentionally, but knowing how to apologize will cover a multitude of wrongs. After the next time you do something hurtful to your spouse, look him in the face and apologize sincerely. According to Dr. Ben Kim, it is important that you do not say "I am sorry if you were hurt by what I did," because this puts the blame on your spouse instead of on yourself. Truly accepting responsibility for your actions is the only way you can restore your relationship when you have done harm to your spouse.

Understand How to Accept an Apology

When your spouse apologizes to you, be sure to accept the apology without making her feel worse than she already does. Understand that she had to let go of her pride and become vulnerable to admit she was wrong, and that she wants you to accept her apology. Do not make the mistake of using her apology as an excuse to point out her wrongdoings, and never withhold forgiveness from her. By embracing her apology sincerely, you refuse to manipulate her by toying with her feelings.

Communicate Constantly

Communication is one of the most basic ways you can keep peace with your spouse. Only 7 percent of communication is verbal. The things you do say a lot about your priorities, as well as how much you are willing to sacrifice for the happiness and well-being of your spouse. Let your significant other know how much he means to you by performing acts of kindness on a regular basis.

About the Author

Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.

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