our everyday life

How to Keep the Conversation Going to Keep Marriage Alive

by Shannon Philpott, studioD

The saying, “communication is key” holds true for any two people, but especially so for married couples. Without strong communication about household business and likes and dislikes, couples can quickly drift apart and lose that deep-rooted connection they once had. Making time to spark up an engaging conversation with your spouse does not have to be a chore. Instead, communicate and share experiences, and learn how to make each other laugh, to keep your marriage alive and healthy.

Schedule Time for Discussions

The hustle and bustle of family life is bound to take over when you and your spouse are herding children to and from activities and balancing household duties and jobs. However, it is important to make your marriage a priority and schedule in time for just the two of you to converse, according to Maud Purcell, a family therapist with PsychCentral.com. Schedule a nightly segment, even just 10 minutes, to catch up with each other. Make it a routine so that you both are committed to learning more about each other. A weekly or monthly date night will also help keep your marriage alive and well, giving both of you a chance to rediscover your romance.

Pose Fun Questions

Conversations often stall when couples feel as if they have nothing to share. Pose questions to each other and watch your conversation flourish. Questions like, “When do you feel most loved?” and “What is the best way for me to encourage you?” can help both of you learn how to love each other in a more meaningful way, according to Robert and Pamela Crosby, authors of “Creative Conversation Starters for Couples.” Find out your partner’s thoughts and dreams by posing questions such as, “Which strengths in your life bring you the greatest satisfaction?” and “If we could just drop what we’re doing and go do something fun, what would it be?” The answers might surprise you.

Stay Positive

When conversing, couples may lean in a confrontational manner if the subject matter is heated. Posing questions to your spouse should not include a sarcastic or demeaning tone. Instead, stay focused on the positive to avoid a division, recommends experts at Marriage Missions International. If the conversation initiates angry outbursts or negative words, you and your spouse should both stop and start again. Working out a plan before discussing tense matters can keep both of you on track when communicating. Vow to communicate in a respectful manner that shows the respect and love you both have for each other.

Listen Actively

Many times, when couples worry about keeping the conversation going, they don’t realize that listening is an important part of communication. Your spouse may not keep the conversation going if he feels you will do most of the talking. Being a good listener can encourage your spouse to communicate more with you and keep your marriage healthy and happy, according to Purcell. If your spouse realizes that you have heard him and that you are genuinely interested in what he has to say, it will open the door for more communication. Show that you care, not only by listening with your ears but also with non-verbal cues and positive body language.

Show Confidence

Spouses do not have to have similar interests to make a marriage work. In fact, your differences can be great conversation starters. Continue exploring your own interests to boost your self-confidence, make yourself feel better and spur conversations with your spouse, recommends Purcell. For example, your wife may want to share her experiences hiking with friends while you may want to share your new talents with a musical instrument. Having different interests helps couples to establish independence and confidence. The key to a healthy marriage is to want to communicate and share these experiences with each other.

About the Author

Shannon Philpott has been a writer since 1999. She has experience as a newspaper reporter, magazine writer and online copywriter. Philpott has published articles in St. Louis metro newspapers, "Woman's World" magazine, "CollegeBound Teen" magazine and on e-commerce websites, and also teaches college journalism and English. She holds a Master of Arts in English from Southern Illinois University.

Photo Credits

  • Goodshoot/Goodshoot/Getty Images